Brotherhood Part 3
Danae
Disclaimer: Alas, they are not mine. I hope Pet Fly
doesn't mind sharing though. No harm or infringement is intended and
nobody's paying me so... unspoken plea here. It's all in the spirit of
fun and a touch of reverence for the folks that do own them.
Thanks to Missy and Nickerbits, my fabulous betareaders. And
to Michelle who inspires me with her amazing writing and understanding of the
human soul. And to everyone else who has written to me with feedback.
I hope you know just how important you are to me.
Season four? What season four? This thing was
started even before S2! Now, you know where we are....
Brotherhood Part 3
__________________________________________________________
"She's been gone for a couple of hours now,
Simon. I tried to break it to her gently. She hates me."
"She'll come around, Jim. She's a smart
woman. She's just hurt right now."
"Yeah." Jim stared at the bland little
framed print hanging on the wall of the room for a moment then turned his
attention back to his guide. "Orenda came in a few minutes after
Naomi left. She says he's getting better. Looks like his kidneys
are going to be okay, she says. Less blood than yesterday. Just
bruised. No complications so far. If he'd just take a breath on his
own and open his eyes, we'd be home free."
Simon got up and placed a hand on Jim's shoulder.
"He will, Jim."
"Coffee, guys." Jade entered the room.
She handed off the cups quickly and headed out again.
"Where are you going, baby?"
"I just got a page. I have to call the
office. I'll be back." Then she was gone.
"So has Harris fallen off the face of the earth or
what?" Jim asked his captain, standing up from the chair.
"So far, we have nothing." Simon sighed.
"Nothing but Baker."
"Jim, I wouldn't put much stock in Baker."
"I know what you mean, but he seemed serious. He
seems too set on the delusion of a glorious victory in battle to jeopardize his
chances of being there by helping Harris and going to prison." Jim paced
the small room and then stopped by the bedside of his friend once more.
"Well, I'd be a lot happier if our case did not depend
on the delusions of grandeur of some Neo-Nazi skinhead."
"I couldn't agree more but that's where we are if
Harris doesn't surface soon."
"Captain Banks, I need to speak with Jim alone if you
don't mind." Naomi's voice startled them both.
Simon met Jim's eyes and Jim nodded. "I need to
find Jade anyway." The big man paused briefly just behind Naomi and
signaled for Jim to keep his chin up, then he ducked quickly out the door.
"I don't know what to say to you, Naomi. I'm
sorry that this has hurt you, but I'm not sorry that we did it."
"I wish I could hate you, James Ellison. I really
wish that I could but I can't."
"That's good news," Jim muttered.
"There's that sarcasm again."
"Actually, I wasn't being sarcastic, Naomi. It
really is good news. You could make my life pretty miserable if you hated
me. But more importantly, you could make Blair pretty miserable,
too."
"I know. That's why I can't hate you. I
don't understand how it happened, and I certainly don't understand
why, but you are important to my son. And as much as I hate to say
this, you are right. You are here, and--- most of the time, I am
not. I don't have to like this, you know. I suppose, however, that
I have to respect it. Now, what this means to me exactly right now is
that I have to deal with you, not the doctor or the hospital."
"I'm not pulling any plugs, Naomi. You can just
put that right out of your head."
"Jim, I do know what that monitor means. I know
about brain activity. I also know that the living will that Blair had
drawn up said, ‘no extraordinary efforts and no life sustaining
machines.' That ventilator is a life sustaining machine."
"The old one might have said that, Naomi, but the new
one is very different. It says that as long as there is brain activity,
then the doctors are to do whatever they need to do to keep him alive. If
there is no brain activity, and I pray to God every day that I won't ever see
that day, I have control. I decide when to let go, Naomi."
Naomi was shaking her head slowly. "You'll never
let go. I can see that. Blair has made a big mistake."
Fury tinged Jim's vision red. "Of all the damn
nerve! You think you're a better choice? Hey, you're ready at the drop of
a hat to let go from what I can see! I got news for you, lady, your son's
a fighter. I just don't think he's as gung-ho on dying as you seem to
think. He's got his whole damn life ahead of him and I intend to make
sure he gets to live it if at all possible. Not to mention, where the
hell have you been when he's needed you? You are never here. You
breeze in, make a few decrees, burn a little sage, stir up his life, and
disappear again. Hell, Naomi, even if you did still have control of his
living will, we would never be able to find you to ask you what we should
do! And don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. He'd be dead
already if you had been around more. He's been here before, Naomi.
When he was dosed with Golden, when he was shot last year, I was here.
You weren't. I couldn't find you. I made the decisions that had to
be made and he's still here. No, I won't just let go! So, you
do your mantras and you process all you want, but don't you dare try to
challenge me on this. I won't back down."
"His life is not yours to play with!"
"He's not yours either!"
"He's my son!"
"So what?! He's--" A choking sound from the
bed stopped Jim's angry reply in his throat. "Naomi,--"
"I'll get the doctor." She ran from the room
as Jim leaned over his guide just in time to see panicked blue eyes open.
"Just relax, Chief. The doctor will be here
soon. Don't fight the ventilator." A tear slid down Blair's
temple and his brow furrowed as Jim caressed his forehead gently.
"It's okay. Don't get upset. Everything will be just
fine. Do you remember what happened?" A look of confusion gave
Jim his answer. "That's okay. We'll talk about it all
later."
Orenda blew into the room then, and Jim was pushed
unceremoniously out of the way and out of the door by the pushy little nurse
that followed her. He had to watch from the doorway with Naomi. Moments
later, Orenda joined them in the hall as the nurse went back to her station.
"How is he?" Naomi asked hurriedly.
"Tired, in pain, but awake and relatively
coherent. Don't push. Let him rest and he'll be just fine.
You can go back in to see him if you like. Just don't expect him to talk
a lot or to understand a whole lot of what you say. He'll fade in and out
and sleep a lot for the next few days. If you need me, I'll be close
by." She left them then.
Awkward silence filled the space between Jim and the woman
that was his best friend's mother. Their eyes met and locked for a long
moment. Finally, Jim could stand it no longer. "Well, if you
aren't going in, I am."
"I'm his mother."
Jim sighed in disgust. "Why don't we both go
in?"
"After you."
"No, after you. Ladies first."
"Oh, not his mother first, but *ladies* first."
"Oh, for crying out loud." Jim brushed past
her and into the room. He made it Blair's bedside just seconds ahead of
Naomi, even though she opted to go to the other side of the bed.
"Hey, Chief." Jim smiled down at his partner.
"Better now that the tube is gone, huh?"
Blair nodded a little.
"Baby, mama's here." Naomi touched Blair's
cheek. "Can I get you anything?"
Again, Blair nodded.
"What, Baby?"
Blair looked at her and then at Jim. He swallowed and
grimaced at the pain it caused. Jim
thought he could almost feel that pain himself. "Don't fight
anymore, please." The voice was so small and raspy and yet, it had the
power to leave Jim's knees shaky. Blair had heard at least some of their
argument apparently. He looked at Naomi's stricken face. She
blushed furiously, and Jim knew that she was feeling the same shame that he
was.
"You got it, partner. No more fighting."
Jim told him, all the while, hoping that he could keep his word. Naomi
had not forgiven him. He could see that in her eyes. She might be
sorry that Blair had overheard them and gotten upset, but she was still angry.
It was only a matter of time.
__________________________________________________________________
"Hello?" Mark Coley mumbled into the phone as he
rubbed his eyes. He hated to wake up to a ringing phone.
"Mark, I need some help, buddy."
"Kevin? Oh man, Kev, what the hell are you doing
calling me? I don't want any part of this. You are in the shit,
man. The feds are on your tail."
"Feds?! What for?"
"Hate crime is a federal offense, you idiot! I
can't believe you!" Mark heard his former friend swear on the other
end of the phone. "I can't help you, Kevin."
"Can't or won't?"
"Both."
"You're my best friend, Mark."
"I was your best friend, Kevin. Until you let
your so called brothers turn you into somebody I don't want to know."
"Who rolled on me, man? Do you know?"
Mark was silent. What could he say?
"Shit! I can't believe it! Mark, why,
man?"
"Because I have to look at myself in the mirror every
morning, Kev. Listen to me. You
need to turn yourself in. Don't make them come for you, Kev. Make
it easier on yourself. From what I heard, that cop that hangs with Mr.
Sandburg would like nothing better than to put a few holes in you. Turn
yourself in."
"Not going to happen, Mark. I got somebody else
willing to help me out. Thanks for nothing, man. And Mark, watch
your back, dude." With a click, he was gone.
Mark sighed heavily and hung up the phone. He sat for a few
minutes just staring at the wall of his dorm room then turned his head to the
empty bed across the room. Once, it had been Kevin's. That was
before he started spending all his time at the frat house. Officially, he
was still living there but he had not spent the night there for weeks and his
stuff was long since gone as well. Mark wondered about the frat's
willingness to allow Kevin, as just a pledge, to stay at the house. They
had not given him a room but he was sleeping on an old couch in Will Franklin's
room. He groaned as he realized that just maybe Kevin was so welcome
because he had given the frat their perfect initiation rite. What if the
attacks had been Kevin's idea? It seemed all too possible. Even if
Kevin had not come up with the idea, he certainly did not have any trouble
participating. How could he have never
known that Kevin was capable of such cruelty?
He sighed and picked up the phone. He needed to call Captain Banks
and those feds.
________________________________________________________________
"Well..."
"Well, what?" Jim responded to the woman
across his partner's bed from him.
"This is uncomfortable." Naomi replied flippantly.
"Don't start, Naomi. We promised that we wouldn't
fight. Just because he's asleep now doesn't mean I'm going to go back on
that promise."
"I'm not fighting. I'm just stating a fact. Don't
you have some cop stuff to do or something? Shouldn't you be finding the
monster that did this to him?" She pointed at her son's sleeping form.
"I'm waiting to hear from an informant and I'm off duty
right now anyway."
"I see."
"Naomi," Jim sighed, "we were friends
once. This doesn't have to be this way."
"We were friends before you let this happen to
him. And you do realize that we both are not supposed to be in here at
the same time, right?"
"Damn it, Naomi. You think I wouldn't give
anything to be able to go back and prevent this? You think I wouldn't
gladly trade places with him? I would. Anything, everything I have,
everything I am I would give up to have kept him from this pain. But it's
too late for that now and I feel incredibly guilty that I wasn't there.
That I didn't prevent it. That I could have probably prevented it if I
had just gone against his wishes and put some protection on him. But he
didn't want protection, and he's a grown man, and it was a matter of principle
for him, and I didn't want to take that away from him, so I let it go. I
don't need your accusations and recriminations, Naomi. I've got enough of
my own. You don't need to *make* me feel guilty, Naomi. I already
do. So, can we just stop the hostility and focus on getting him back on
his feet? He's the victim of a hate crime. Do you realize what that
means? Do you know how devastating that can be to a person? He's
not just physically hurt here. He's emotionally traumatized. The
last thing he needs to have to deal with is you and me bickering and using him
as the rope in some twisted tug-of-war."
"That's quite a speech. Did you practice that in
the mirror?"
Jim drew a deep breath and let it out slowly, while mentally
counting to ten. "You are bound and determined to piss me off,
aren't you? You want me to lose my temper and break my promise to Blair
so you can crow about it to him and prove to him that I'm not worthy of him and
his friendship. Well, it won't work. As it is, this conversation is
getting dangerously close to turning into an argument so I'm bowing out of
it. You may continue to talk if you like, Naomi, but the walls will be
your only audience. But I'm not leaving. You'll just have to be
uncomfortable." Jim sat down in the chair behind him and
deliberately tuned his senses to close out the woman in the room with him until
he could almost swear he was alone in the room with his best friend. He
could only hear Blair's soft breathing and heartbeat. He could no longer
smell Naomi's perfume. He could only smell his partner's unique scent
with a hint of the baby powder scented soap that the nurse had used when she
gave the younger man a sponge bath earlier. From his sitting position,
most of his view of the woman was obscured by the her son and the bed he was
lying in so it only took minimal adjustments to narrow his field of vision to
just the rise and fall of Blair's chest. Yes, Chief, being a sentinel had its
advantages.
And a few disadvantages, Jim discovered as someone shook him
hard and a panicked voice registered in his ears. "What!?
What?" he nearly shouted as he faced a white-faced nurse.
"Oh, Mr. Ellison, you scared the life out of me!
I couldn't get you to acknowledge me! Are you all right?"
"Fine, just pre-occupied," Jim assured as he
glanced around the room looking for Naomi. "Where's--"
"She told me that she was going to the cafeteria."
Jim looked down at his watch. It was dinnertime.
He had only been out of it for about an hour. He had not actually zoned,
he supposed. He was still very much aware of the world outside
himself. It was only that the scope of his world had been pared down to
include only his guide. He stood and gently ran one hand over Blair's
forehead before turning to face the nurse once more. "What did you
need?"
"Oh, I forgot," she sighed, a pained expression on
her face. "Your captain is on the phone at the nurse's
station."
"Great, thanks." Jim checked once more to make
sure that Blair was still deeply asleep. He was and was not likely to
awaken in the next few minutes. Jim would have hated to have his friend
wake up alone. Then he followed the nurse out of the cubicle and to the
nurse's station. She handed him the receiver. "Simon, what do
you have?" Jim listened as Simon told him about Harris's call to
Mark Coley. He had been hoping that Baker had called but that was obviously not
the case. Mark Coley was in protective custody in light of the not
so veiled threat from Harris. "Thanks, Simon." He hung up just
in time to see Naomi get off the elevator. She glared at him for a moment
and then walked past him with her head high. He shook his head sadly.
It was going to be a long night. Maybe he needed to get something to eat
and some coffee. Maybe the sullen woman would be easier to take after a
Wonderburger. "Ma'am," he addressed the nurse, "if she
asks, tell her I went to get something to eat and I *will* be back."
It was with almost gleeful maliciousness that he stressed that last part.
"And if Blair wakes up, tell him the same thing. I don't want him
thinking I deserted him. Okay?"
"Sure, Mr. Ellison. Though I doubt seriously he
would ever think such a thing, I will tell him." She smiled at him
sweetly.
"Thanks." Jim returned the smile and with one last
look back, he turned to the elevator.
______________________________________________________________________________
When Jim returned forty minutes later, with Tums in hand for
the indigestion sitting heavy on his chest, Dr. Milap was in the cubicle with
Blair and his mother. "Oh good, Jim, you're back. I was just
about to give out some good news and I'm sure you wouldn't want to miss it."
"Hey, Jim." Blair whispered softly then as his
eyes took in the roll of Tums in Jim's hand, the soft voice took on a
scolding tone. "You went to Wonderburger, didn't you?"
"Yeah, but--"
"Yeah but nothing. You better be glad I'm in this
bed right now, Jim, else you'd be in deep trouble."
Jim smiled. "Nice to have you back, Chief."
Orenda Milap was grinning at them both. "As I was
saying, gentlemen, Blair is being moved to a room in just a few minutes.
Jim, I figured that you'd want a private room for him."
"Right."
"Good. There's no more blood in your urine,
Blair, so your kidneys are definitely on the mend. Everything seems to be
fine with the surgery and the latest X-rays show that your head is actually
even harder than we originally thought." She lightly ruffled his curls as
she teased him.
Jim could not help but chuckle and Blair joined him albeit
cautiously. "Don't make him laugh, Doc. Hate for you to have
to redo all those stitches." Jim warned. Jim met Naomi's angry eyes
for just a second then. None of this news seemed to make an impression on
her. It was probably not the nicest thing he would ever do but he had to
do something to remove the scowl from the woman's face before her son saw it
and got concerned. "Isn't this great news, Naomi?"
There was a flash of pure hated on her face before the smile
obliterated it. "Wonderful news. Blair, I'm so relieved, sweetie."
Blair reached for his mother's hand and she took it.
"Sorry I scared you, mom."
"Well, I'll leave you all alone now. The
orderlies will be around in a few minutes to get you moved to your new
room. Good night all." Orenda left then and the room
temperature seemed to nosedive. Of course, Blair, the trained
observer noticed immediately.
"Okay, I want to know. What's happening
here? Why are the two of you fighting like this?"
Jim glanced at his best friend's mother. "We're
not fighting, Chief."
"Jim, you are like the worst liar ever.
Mom?"
"It's nothing, sweetie. You just concentrate on
getting better."
"You're angry with him because you think that I got
hurt while I was working with him, right? Well, you're wrong. I was
at the university."
"Do you remember the attack, Blair?" Jim jumped
in.
"Yeah, I remember everything. I don't know who
all of them were but I do know one. Kevin Harris. He wanted me to
know it was him. He took off his ski mask and made sure I knew that he
was the one doing the most damage. I had already figured out that he was
involved though. That's why I was calling you. I thought I
recognized his handwriting. You remember Hassan, the wr--writing on his
forehead? Well, it was the n's, Kevin makes his n's that way. He
was mad at me about his test grade, see? So it had nothing to do with
Jim, Mom."
An uncomfortable silence settled over the room and Jim could
tell that Blair was confused. *Poor kid thinks that all should be well
now.* Jim decided to come clean with it
all. "We have some of the guys in custody, Blair. An informant
told us about Harris. He's still out there but we'll get him,
Buddy. You can count on that. But, I think you should know that the
attack itself is not what has your mother so upset with me--"
"I can speak for myself, Jim Ellison." Naomi
interrupted. "Blair, honey, why did you change your living
will? Why would you give *him* the right to speak for you?"
"Oh shit," Blair whispered softly. He turned
his eyes to Jim. "Was it that bad?"
Jim sighed, glanced from his guide to his mother and back
again. "I didn't think so. Your mother disagreed with me and given
your new living will, the hospital listened to me."
Naomi picked that moment to start ranting again. This
time at her son about how could he trust Jim to make his decisions, knowing
what a control freak Jim was, and why did he not discuss it with her
first. Jim tuned her out and concentrated on the stricken face of his
partner. The expressive blue eyes showed Blair's every emotion. Shock,
confusion, and pain shone out of the depths and Jim watched as they got
brighter with unshed tears. "Naomi." She kept on, her
voice growing more and more shrill. "Naomi," he tried
again. "Naomi! Shut up for a minute." She cut off
in mid-sentence. "Blair, are you all right?" Jim reached out
and touched a trembling shoulder.
"I need to be alone for a while," finally came a
choked reply.
"Blair, honey--"
"Please, Mom."
"Are you sure, Buddy?"
He nodded.
"Blair--"
"Mom! Could you just give me a little while here?"
"Fine. I hear that." She grabbed her
purse from the windowsill and stormed out of the room.
Jim sighed and shrugged a little at Blair's hurt
expression. "I'll come back later. Call me if you need
me."
Blair nodded again and Jim started for the door.
"Hey, Jim."
"Yeah, Chief?"
"Thanks for not pulling the plug, man."
Jim grinned a little then. "Anytime."
_____________________________________________________________________
Simon watched from the back of the lecture hall as Dr.
Thomas, the professional side of his Jade, led those present through an
exercise that Simon was sure was going to cause a riot at any moment. He
even had one hand on his cell phone just in case he needed to call in backup
quick. Suddenly, there was someone next to him. "What are you
doing here? Thought you'd be at the hospital with Blair," he asked
his best detective.
"Blair wanted some time to himself. I think he's
a little shocked at how close this was."
"So he's awake enough to be shocked. That's
good. I'll go by and see him tomorrow. Does he remember?"
"Yep. He confirmed that it was Harris, but he
didn't see any more faces. What the hell does she think she's
doing?" Jim pointed down at Jade.
"I have no idea but I wish she'd get to the point
before we have to get out the riot gear."
_______________________________________________________________________
All across the front of the lecture hall there were charts
set up. Each chart listed a different ethnic or religious group and then
separated each group into male and female. On each chart, Jade wrote down
all the things that were being shouted out to her about each group, while
making note when she could of who had shouted out what. Jim easily read
each chart and understood the tense atmosphere in the room immediately.
She was at the chart that read Islamic people and the assembled crowd was
shouting out that Islamic men were all terrorists and that they beat their
wives. Someone else said that the women were submissive and stupid.
After a few more derogatory comments, Jade moved on to another group and then
another. Every chart was filled with the most hateful and hurtful
stereotypes for that particular group of people and Jim had to wonder what the
purpose of this exercise was. Was Jade trying to pick a fight with
several hundred college students? Finally, after the last chart was
filled, Jade put down her marker and turned to face the room again.
"Well, wasn't that fun?"
The stunned and angry silence of the room was her
answer. "Oh Lord." Jim heard Simon whisper.
"What? Does someone have a problem with
this? I think we've pretty accurately depicted just about every ethnic
and religious group, don't you?"
"No," came one lone voice down front.
"Why not, Ms?"
"Morgan. It's all wrong. That's not
me."
Jim sought out the face to go with the voice. She was
a pretty black girl in the third row. He could see her in profile if he
leaned forward.
"Mr.?" Jade pointed to someone not far away.
"Baker."
Jim nearly fell out of his chair. It was Derrick Baker,
there in Jade's seminar. Granted, attendance was mandatory for everyone,
which was why it was being offered several nights, but Jim was still a little
surprised to see him.
"Mr. Baker, let's see, I believe that you said that
black women were lazy, shoplifting, welfare collecting baby
machines.' And that is a direct quote, right?"
"Yeah." Baker frowned.
"Ms. Morgan, are you saying that you don't fit that
bill?"
"Of course not," she snapped.
"How does that comment make you feel?"
"It hurts and it makes me angry."
"Hey, I think I remember her yelling out some
stuff about other people." Baker pointed out.
"You know, Mr. Baker, I do believe that you are right
about that. Let's see, Ms. Morgan. I think this one was
yours. White men are wife beaters and alcoholics. Most of them are
bigots, too.' Do I have that just about right?"
"Yes, but--"
"And Mr. Baker, how does that make you feel?"
"Why should I care what she thinks?"
"I didn't ask you why you should care, Mr. Baker."
"It pisses me off, okay?"
"Okay." She turned her attention back
to the audience as a whole. "I want each of you now to look over
these charts. Find the one or maybe even two that address your ethnic or
religious background and read it. Open yourself up to the emotions that
the words there evoke. Then look at the person beside you.
Remembering how you feel about the hateful things you see on your chart, find that
person's chart and try to put yourself in his position. Do the feelings
change? Ms. Morgan, if you are hurt by what Mr. Baker said, don't you
think that Mr. Baker could be hurt by what you said?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Do you want to hurt Mr. Baker? Is there a reason
that you should? Does he somehow deserve it just for being white?"
"No ma'am."
"Mr. Baker, I put the same questions to you."
Jim shifted in his seat to get a better view of Derrick
Baker's face and what he saw was astonishing. Doubt.
"Mr. Baker? Does Ms. Morgan deserve to be hurt
because she is black? Do you have a reason to want to hurt her?"
"No."
Jade smiled up at Simon for a split second as the answer
came. "Then why do we do it? And how do we stop it?
Let's look at recovery, shall we?"
Jim sat back in amazement and looked over to his captain to
see the same amazement reflected back at him. "Wow."
"Yeah."
Jade went on to talk about behavior models and how recovery
from a lifetime of being taught stereotypes and prejudice was a process that
may never be totally complete. She told the students that the sad truth
was that if someone was determined to be a bigot, nothing short of a miracle
was going to change his mind, but that did not mean that the rest of the world,
the assembled audience especially, had to simply accept hatred as right.
"The last thought I want to leave you with comes from
the Desiderata. It is this. 'You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here.'
Thank you for your attention and good night."
Jim quickly turned his hearing down, just in time to keep
from being deafened by the applause. When he stood, he came face to face
with Derrick Baker. The young man seemed embarrassed and did not seem to
want to meet Jim's eyes. "Baker." Jim greeted him simply.
"I haven't forgotten. I had to come to this thing
tonight so I wasn't there to get any calls. Sorry."
"I understand. This was mandatory, after
all."
"Yeah, well, later, Ellison." He hurried
away.
"Somebody just got his world tilted a little."
Simon remarked softly behind Jim's shoulder.
"Yeah," Jim responded quietly. "Well, I'm
gonna call Blair and see if he's doing okay. If he's ready for company,
I'd like to go back to the hospital. You said you're coming
tomorrow?"
"Yeah, I'd say tonight but I don't think I'm going to
get Jade out of here anytime soon." Simon motioned to the huge crowd of
students in the front of the room, totally blocking the little psychologist
from sight. "And if and when I do get her outta here, I'm taking her
to dinner at Natalia's. Is my lady impressive or what?"
Jim grinned. "Very impressive. See you
later, Simon." Jim clapped him on the back and made his way out of
the lecture hall. He pulled out his cell as he went. He wanted to
talk to Blair.
____________________________________________________________
Blair had spent the first half-hour after Jim and his mother
left just staring out the window of his new room. Just after they had
gone, the orderlies had come to get him. He was now settled in room 347,
with its nice view of another wall outside the window. After determining
that the wall was not going to come down from the sheer force of his will, he
turned that will to examining his feelings of panic and pain when Jim had told
him just how close he came to not being here to stare at that wall. If
his living will had not been changed, he would be dead. His mother would
have turned off the ventilator and he would have died. He
shuddered. What had he been thinking when he signed that first
will? Was he really that willing to let go of life? Was his mother
that willing to let go of him?
Now, that was not really fair. He had written the
will. He had determined its contents. His mother would have only
been carrying out his expressed wishes. And the truth was, that when he
had made out that first living will, the contents did express his wishes.
What had changed? Was he stronger and braver now or then? Which
took more courage, living or dying? "Great. Leave it to me to engage
myself in deep philosophical discussions so soon after being in a
coma." He rubbed his temples. He had a headache. Just
what he deserved for such deep thoughts.
Back to the important question. What had changed for
him and when? When did he want to re-write that will. Why did he
want to re-write it? It was after the Golden incident. He
remembered that much. Jim had been upset that the hospital at first would
not talk to him about Blair's condition. They saw his mother's name down
as the contact person and wanted to speak with her. Simon had stepped in
then, so Blair had been told. But Jim did not want that to happen again.
They talked and decided that both of them would change their emergency
contacts. After all, Jim's dad would be useless to Jim and the hospital
if Jim zoned out. Blair would need access to him in that case. Then
the living will came up and before Blair even realized it, he was changing it
too. So what did that tell him? What was the common theme?
Jim.
Blair never really had anyone before Jim that needed
him. Naomi loved him, but she certainly did not need him. He had
friends but they would recover. Jim needed him. And he needed Jim
too. His letting go days were over. Blair was going to hold onto
life with both hands now. Because Jim Ellison had lost enough people in
his life. Because Jim Ellison needed a guide for his sentinel
senses. Because Jim Ellison deserved to have him stick around.
Blair smiled a bit at that one. It could be taken one of two ways.
But most importantly, because Jim Ellison had given him so much: A home, a
lasting friendship, his trust, and apparently, a reason for living. He
took a moment then to thank whichever supreme being that saw fit to bring Jim
into his life before turning his attention to the other matter weighing heavily
on his mind.
He had been the victim of a hate crime. Kevin Harris
and his fraternity brothers had decided that he deserved to suffer just because
he was Jewish. Tears threatened to fall then and he swallowed hard in an
attempt to remove the lump in his throat. He had always known it was possible
that one day someone would not stop at calling names and pushing him around
like the childhood bullies he had dealt with a few times in his life. He
knew full well that people like Kevin Harris and Derrick Baker existed. He could even quote texts on why such people
existed, how society even aided and abetted their creation, etc. None of
that made him feel any better though. None of those facts and theories
kept him from shuddering every time he saw a swastika, heard on the news about
Neo-Nazi activity. And certainly none of that lofty knowledge kept his
heart from breaking and his eyes from getting blurry with tears right
now.
The phone rang and he nearly jumped out of his skin.
He quickly wiped his eyes and took a deep, shaky breath before picking up the
receiver. "Hello?"
"Hey, Chief. How are you doing? Just
thought I'd check in with you."
The concerned voice on the other end of the phone was his
undoing. "Ah, Jim--" the words trembled and his voice faltered.
"You need me?"
The sob escaped before Blair even thought to try to stop
it. "Yeah."
"I'm on my way. Be okay till I get there?"
"Yeah. I'm sorry, Jim."
"Nothing to be sorry for, Buddy. Be there
soon."
Blair hung up the phone and turned on the television in the
hopes that he could occupy his mind with other people's problems so that he did
not have to think about his own. It was not to be, however. The
door to his room opened and his mother stood in the doorway. He turned
the television off again and met her eyes. "Hi," he muttered as
he wiped at his eyes again.
"Blair, sweetie, if you're ready to talk, I think we
really need to."
"Jim's on his way back, Mom." He meant to
let her know that they would not have a lot of time to talk but as soon as he
saw the look on her face, he knew he had said the wrong thing.
"Oh? Did he get a call inviting him back?
You'd rather have him here than your own mother?"
"That's not it at all, Naomi. He called to check
on me and I was upset so--"
"Upset about what? I'm your mother. You can
come to me when you're upset." She stepped closer to the bed.
"When you're here, I can."
"I'm here now and still you turn to him!"
"Naomi, just stop it."
"A minute ago, it was Mom. Now it's Naomi.
I think I see where I stand."
"I can't do this with you right now. Maybe you
should go." Blair sighed and let his head fall back on his pillow.
"So he can come in and fix everything? He's done
such a good job of that so far, hasn't he? If he'd done his job, you
wouldn't be here right now. If he'd been taking care of you like he said
he would, you would never have gotten hurt. Why, he can't even catch the
monster that did this to you. And this is the man that you've entrusted
your life to! Blair, you are smarter than this! You don't need Jim
Ellison. I taught you to take care of yourself, not to let people make
you think that you needed them, not to let yourself get bogged down in other
people's lives. You have too much to do out there, in the world, to let
that man put chains on you!"
"Geez, Naomi, I'm not his slave."
"Really? You live in his house, you work his job
with him, you *do* his job for him, cook meals for him, take orders from
him. You probably do his laundry for him. All the while, you are
also trying to do your job and go to school. Sounds like a slave to
me."
Blair shook his head. "You don't
understand."
"Then make me understand."
"I can't. You won't listen and even if you would,
there are confidences that I can't and won't break."
"Try me. I may not be as stupid as you
think."
"Naomi, I like working with Jim and if I could take a
moment to remind you, he took me in when my place burned and let me stay.
I do his laundry but he does mine too. I cook; he cooks. We're
partners, friends, family."
"This is the father thing again, isn't it? He's
not your father."
That hurt and Blair had to take several moments to compose
himself before he could address her again. "I knew you wouldn't get
it. You're right, though. He's not my father. He's my
brother. Think about that for a while, Naomi. Meditate, process,
whatever you need to do, but get this through your head. I choose to be
here. I choose to work with Jim. And I choose Jim as family.
You can either accept that or not but my choice does not change because you
can't accept it. Something else you should know. If you try to
drive him away, I'll never forgive you."
"And it will never work anyway so you needn't try
it." Jim's voice filled the room suddenly.
Naomi stiffened. "I hear that. I think I
need some time alone now."
"I understand," Blair stated simply. Then
she was gone, the breeze in her wake smelling faintly of jasmine.
"Sorry, Chief. I probably didn't help matters
much."
"It's okay. She'll process like she always has
before, longer than before maybe, but she'll eventually get over it."
Jim nodded at him. "Brothers, huh?"
"Yeah," Blair blushed a little. He should
have known that Jim would have heard that. "Do you mind?"
"Not in the slightest. Brotherhood ain't so
bad."
"At least not when you get it right."
Blair's thoughts turned to the fraternity and Jim seemed to know what he was
thinking about right away.
"They don't count, Blair. Hell, they barely
qualify as human in my book."
"Maybe they were human once."
"Maybe, but not now. But I'm not here for them,
I'm here for you. Wanna talk about it?"
"That's my line." Blair smiled and Jim
chuckled.
_________________________________________________________________________
Jim smiled fondly at the sleeping figure in the bed.
He leaned back in his chair after carefully extricating his hand from his
guide's. Blair had literally fallen asleep mid-sentence just minutes
before. They had talked for nearly an hour. They had discussed
everything and Blair had agreed to talk to the department psychologist after
his release. Jim was a little surprised to find that even knowing that
the attack was more a personal thing for Harris than a hate crime did not
really help Blair very much. The depth
of Blair’s trauma made Jim’s heart ache.
Jim had known that hate crime traumatized the victims tremendously and
so expected Blair to be shaken up but he had not known about Blair's previous
experiences with prejudice. Playground bullies were a far cry from what
he had suffered at the hands of Harris and the others but those small scars had
been reopened and added to the wounds inflicted on his friend, his little brother.
*Little brother,* Jim thought with affection and amusement. Who would
have thought he would be not only willing but eager to call this neo-hippy
flower child his little brother? Jim tried to get comfortable in the
chair and had almost succeeded when a roll-away cot appeared next to him.
He looked up at the nurse attached to the cot.
"I figured you weren't leaving so I brought this,"
she explained softly.
"Thanks."
She helped him unfold it and then make it up with the sheets
and blanket she had brought. "You're welcome," she said
then. "I'll bring you back a pillow."
Jim thanked her again and lay down. He did not
remember her returning but the next morning, he woke up hugging a pillow.
When Simon arrived with Mathis and Reese in tow, Jim took
the opportunity to excuse himself to go home and shower, leaving behind his
promise to return as soon as he could. He was halfway to the loft when
the call came.
"Ellison."
"I'm supposed to meet him down at the ferry at noon but
you may want to get your hands on him before then," Derrick Baker told
him.
"Why's that?"
"He said some stuff that makes me think he's going
after your partner again. I'd be at the hospital if I were you."
Jim spun the truck around in the middle of street, prompting
many screeching tires and not a few horns. "Thanks," he
grounded out through his clenched teeth before tossing the phone onto the seat
to concentrate on his driving, only to pick it up again when he realized that
he should warn Simon and call for backup.
_______________________________________________________________________
Naomi Sandburg's tearful eyes burned holes in him as Simon
tried again to reason with the young man that held her captive. Rotten
luck, that was what it was. She was in the wrong place at the wrong
time. A nurse saying hello to her had told Kevin Harris what a valuable
hostage she would be. The only good news was that Harris had never made
it down the hall to Blair's room. Simon had been leaving, Mathis and
Reese right behind him, when he caught sight of Harris. Before he or the
federal agents could respond, however, Naomi was held tightly in Harris's
grasp.
"Son, it's over. Don't make this any worse than
it is. Put down the gun and let her go." Simon's phone rang
then and he handed it back to Reese to answer. He was not even aware of
phone after that until Reese was trying to hand it back to him.
"That was Ellison. He's on his way back,"
Reese whispered.
"How far?"
"Didn't say."
"Damn." Simon turned back to Harris.
He took in the young man's appearance. He was dirty and disheveled.
His eyes had a wild glint in them that Simon had come to associate with the
insane. Harris had gone over the edge. He was going to kill Blair's
mother and then he would try to take them out as well and Simon was at a loss
as to what he could do to stop it. Then things went from bad to worse.
"Simon?" The weak voice behind him could
only have been one person.
"Blair, go back to your room, son. You shouldn't
be on your feet." He blocked Blair's way but not before he got a glimpse
of what was happening.
"Mom?"
Simon closed his eyes and made a decision that he hoped
Blair would forgive him for later. "Mathis, could you get Blair back
into his room?"
"No! Simon, that's my Mom!"
"I know that, son, but I don't want him to get another
shot at you. Let me handle this. Jim's on his way. We'll take
care of it."
"No, Simon!" Blair protested even as Mathis
gently but firmly forced him back down the hall. Orenda met them at the
door of Blair's room and swiftly sedated her struggling patient. Mathis
disappeared into the room and returned moments later without Blair
Sandburg. Orenda Milap shrugged at Simon from the door of the room and
then ducked back inside. Only then did Simon realize that Kevin Harris
was demanding that Blair be turned over to him. He was screaming at Blair
to come back out into the hallway and take his punishment.
_______________________________________________________________________
Jim took the stairs three at a time. When he had
reached Reese instead of Simon, he had known what was happening. His trip
back to the hospital was a blur, his mind only able to focus on his goal: to
get back to Blair. Using the techniques that Blair taught him, Jim
pinpointed Harris's location before he hit the landing on the third floor and
he smiled grimly. Harris would never see him coming. The young man
had set him up so that he could see the elevators. Smart, but not smart
enough. He forgot about the stairs. His back was to the
stairs. Jim barreled through the door and took Harris down before he had
time to react. Of course, Naomi would be a little bruised but she was
alive. It was over quickly, almost too quickly for Jim. He wanted
more of a struggle, some excuse for doing Harris some bodily harm. Simon,
Mathis and Reese swarmed around Jim and his prey. Jim slammed the younger
man's hand against the floor until he released the gun then hauled him up and
shoved him toward the stunned federal agents. Harris was screaming at
him, calling Blair a kike and Jim a kike-lover. Most of the rest of the
ranting was unintelligible but there was something there about brothers.
"Are you all right, Jim?" Simon asked.
"Yeah." Jim stepped over to Harris who was
now cuffed. "You know nothing about brotherhood, you little
bastard." Then he turned to Mathis. "Get that trash outta
here, will you, guys?" he addressed Mathis and Reese.
Mathis nodded solemnly and pulled Harris toward the
elevator. The man was still screaming when the doors closed.
Jim sighed. Simon was helping Naomi up from the floor
and the nurse who had hidden behind the nurse's station came out to look her
over. "Are you okay, Naomi?"
"Yes, I think so. That boy was crazy."
"No kidding." Jim leaned back on the wall behind
him. "You should get Orenda to check you out.
Or...somebody. I know you don't like Orenda."
"I'm sure she's a competent doctor and she took great
care of Blair." She sighed and
looked down at the floor for a moment.
“And Jim, thank you.”
“For what?”
“For taking care of Blair.
I know I’ve been hard on you but without you, he wouldn’t be here right
now. I just need some time to get used
to this.”
Jim stood up straight. "Well, you’re
welcome. He means a lot to me. I only hope that you can get used to
that.” Before it could get awkward between
them, Jim turned to his captain again.
“And now, speaking of Blair, how the hell did you keep him out of this,
Simon?"
"Mathis and Orenda. Mathis took him back to his
room and Orenda sedated him."
"Oh, is he gonna be pissed!" Jim smiled
evilly.
"I know. And I told Mathis to do it so I guess my
name will be Mud for a while."
"You are so screwed." Jim chuckled.
"Thank you, Jim. You are so very helpful."
_____________
EPILOGUE
_____________
"Hello, Jim." Naomi's tone was civil. Just civil, not
friendly but it was better than hostile so Jim smiled and was just as
civil.
"Hello Naomi. Come on in." Jim stepped
back and allowed her to enter the loft and Blair's Welcome Home party.
On the other side of the room, Mark Coley approached his
anthropology teacher with his head down. "Mr. Sandburg?"
"Hi Mark. How's it going?"
"Okay, I guess. With Kev, you know, I'm back at
the dorm and back in my classes."
"Good."
"Listen, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. If I had
said something sooner maybe--"
"It's all right." Blair smiled.
"Look, no doubt you're behind now. I have some time before I can get
back to work but while I'm sitting around, I can help you get caught up."
Simon handed Jade a glass of punch. "Oh!"
she exclaimed. "You'll never guess who called me yesterday."
"Who?"
"Aren't you even going to try to guess?" she
teased.
"Noooooo, who?"
"Derrick Baker." She was solemn again
instantly. "He's not convinced but he's thinking."
"Well, I'll be damned."
"A little different from my response."
"Which was?"
"Damn, I'm good." She shrugged, a
mischievous little smile on her face.
Simon nearly choked on his punch but he could not bring
himself to disagree.
Much later, only Simon, Jade and Naomi remained to help
clean up. Simon and Jade eventually ended up on the couch keeping Blair
company as the three of them watched Jim and Naomi be oh-so-polite to each
other as they worked together to put the finishing touches on the
kitchen. Blair shook his head as his mother and his partner began to
argue, still ever so nicely, over which way the kitchen towel should be
folded. "Jade, what am I going to
do? They're going to politely beat each other to death."
"They'll work it out," She assured him.
"Maybe, but what about in the meantime? This
could very well drive me insane."
"I have a suggestion," Simon spoke up.
"Yeah?"
"Run like hell, son. Just run like hell."
"Oh, you are too funny."
"Learning to duck would probably be a good idea,
too." The older man was obviously trying not to laugh out loud.
"You are digging your grave, Banks. You're
already on my list, you know."
But Simon, big manly Simon Banks, was much too busy
snickering and giggling to pay much attention to the threats. The sight of that inevitably caused the
corners of Blair's mouth to twitch until his only recourse, lest he start
laughing too, was to call in the big guns. There was one thing that Jim
and Naomi would and could get together on. Protecting him.
"Mom, Jim! Simon is picking on me!"
The end