Moments of Clarity

Danae

Disclaimer: Not mine. No money being made. There.

Notes: Follow-up to Moments of Change. Not betaed but spell-checked.

Jim

*****

Patience had never been one of Jim's virtues. He knew this about himself. Yet, the knowledge did not make the waiting any easier. He shifted in his chair and punched the flattened pillow behind his head. As he shifted again, he fancied that he had seen movement on the hospital bed in front of him. He sat up, biting his lip and praying that he was right. He spun imaginary dials up and focused the senses they controlled. Nothing. A fantasy, wishful thinking. He sighed and let his head fall back onto his now lumpy pillow. He swore under his breath and dialed his awareness back down to normal.

The doctor had used the words "guardedly optimistic" three days before when Jim arrived at the hospital. He wasn't so optimistic now though. The words "possible brain damage" and "living will" had been used when last he had visited Blair's room. Jim had seen the decrease in the monitors' activities, but hearing it come from the doctor's mouth was still devastating. So, here it was. The moment he had feared for nearly four years. Oddly enough, it had not come as a result of police confrontation with the criminal element but as the result of a confrontation between Blair's old beat-up Volvo and a semi.

And if the very real possibility of losing Blair weren't enough, Blair would die thinking that Jim hated him. He'd prayed for three days now, but God was apparently not listening. He'd had walked the jungle, calling for Incacha, but to no avail. There was no help coming from his spirit guide either. Blair was going to die.

Blair

****

Patience was not one of his strong points. He knew this about himself. Yet, the knowledge did not make the waiting any easier. He felt as though he was in limbo, neither in the world of the living or of the dead. He shifted his position against the tree so that he could see the ethereal sunset that probably really wasn't there. Then shifted again as he thought he heard someone calling his name. Nothing. Fantasy, wishful thinking. Jim wouldn't be coming this time. He sighed and turned back to the sunset.

So, if Jim wasn't coming, what was he waiting for? Could it be that he was still here because he wanted to be? Was he waiting for a rescue that would never come? So, here it was. The moment he feared was coming. The moment of letting go. Oddly enough, it would signify both the end of the waiting and the beginning of eternity. He was sure there was something profound about that thought, but couldn't work it out. The only thing he could think about was that a bullet hadn't brought him here, but a stupid truck. A damned truck would be the end of him.

If only he could make that decision, to walk to that sunset. Something was holding him back, though. He knew what it was. He didn't want to die with Jim still believing that he hated him. He couldn't hate Jim. Ever. No matter what. But didn't Jim hate him? It was too much and he felt very tired. Maybe it was better to just let go. Dying wasn't so bad. It didn't even hurt anymore. But there was still Jim.

He had called to Jim. He really had. He had walked this stupid jungle, calling for his sentinel to no avail. He'd prayed to every god he had ever studied and all the goddesses too. No answer. Did they just not listen to people who were limbo? Were they mad because he wouldn't move on? Even the wolf had deserted him. It seemed that his only choice was the sunset. He stood up and took the first step.

Jim

****

The monitors faltered, and Jim jumped to his feet. No, no, no. One hand reached for Blair's while the other groped for the call button. Then it hit him. He had prayed to God and called for Incacha in the jungle. Incacha, not Blair. Not his guide. Could it be that simple? He dropped the call button. The doctor wouldn't do anything anyway. Stupid DNR order. He grasped Blair's hand in both of his now. He closed his eyes and bent to the bed, laying his forehead to Blair's. He didn't bother with speech. These words would have to come from his soul, not his mouth.

He called. But it wasn't Blair who answered. It was the panther. It came out of the foliage of the still swirling jungle, then whirled back and nearly disappeared. But Jim was a sentinel. He wouldn't lose the animal. And he wouldn't lose Blair.

Blair

****

He heard his name. He was sure of it this time. Then the wolf appeared. It blocked his path to the sunset. Maybe he was being given another choice after all. Was that Jim's voice he had heard? He took a step back toward the voice. No, he told himself. Jim hated him. He turned back to the setting sun, but the wolf wouldn't let him go any farther.

There, his name again. The dense jungle parted then, and the panther bounded past him to stand with the wolf. This was too confusing. His head was starting to hurt.

"Blair?"

He spun toward the voice. Not a good thing to do. He faltered a step and nearly fell, but strong arms caught him. Jim's arms. "Jim?"

"Don't leave me, Blair. Come back. I'm sorry."

"Me, too."

The jungle swirled into a mass of dark green that gave way to a pale blue. "Hey, Chief." Jim's voice sounded thick. Blair forced his eyes to focus. It was Jim; he was looking right into Jim's eyes. They moved back and he followed them a moment until other details came into view. Hospital. That sucked. But he was back from limbo. No more waiting. No more dying.

He had to try a few times to get the words to form, but he had to say this. "I don’t hate you, Jim."

Jim

****

Only a sentinel could have heard the words. Jim smiled. "I don't hate you either, Chief. You're my guide and my friend. I won't forget that again." He glanced at the corner of the room where the panther waited. "I understand now." The black shape faded from sight.

"Understand?" Blair's voice was a little stronger.

"Yeah. Thanks for giving me another chance, Chief."

"Thank you for coming to get me."

"I always will, Blair. Rest now, buddy. When you're stronger, we'll talk. And we'll work everything out."

Blair's eyes were already closed. Jim reached once again for the call button. He should let somebody know that Blair was going to live. He pushed the button, then dropped into his chair once again. One more disaster averted. One more moment of clarity, and one more lesson learned.