By A Thread

Danae

Disclaimer:  The Boys don't belong to me.  I'm just having a
little fun.  No harm intended.

Thanks again to my betareaders.
 
And to absolutely everyone who writes with feedback!  Thank you
for reading, thanks for writing!

There be spoilers here!!!! For S2. And perhaps for Rogue as
well. 


By A Thread Part 2

Danae

_____________________________________________________________

Jim stumbled through the thick fog, calling his guide's name. 
There was no answer anymore.  At first, he could hear Blair's
voice off somewhere far away but the sound had faded and Jim's
heart sank.  He was lost in the heavy mist and his guide was
gone.  He called again.  An answer came but it was not Blair's
voice that he heard.  Lee Brackett stepped out of the mist and
faced Jim. 

"You failed.  You let him down and he's gone.  It's your fault
that I took him.  It's your fault that he's gone.  Your fault."

Jim slapped the alarm clock off the bedside table and suppressed
the urge to scream in frustration.  "I'm so sorry, Chief.  I'm so
sorry.  I won't give up.  Please just hold on.  I will find you,"
he told the empty loft around him.

_______________________________________________________________

Nicky could cook.  Lucy smiled as he grumbled, sounded very much
like her, about the amount of fat and cholesterol the customers
were consuming.  If it were not for Carol staring at him like she
expected him to grow an extra head at any moment, it would have
been a pleasant night.  

Carol was not the only problem though really.  All night she
watched the man that she had named Nicky as he worked.  She
contemplated the life that he could not remember and the
circumstances that had caused him to forget.  He had spoken of a
woman who had seemed to be in charge and the man who had helped
him get away.  He had told her a few of his nightmares where he
was cut off from everything, unable to hear, to see, to feel. 
And the ones when everything was too much and his senses
overwhelmed him.  He told her of the things the woman had said to
him and done to him and she wondered why he had been chosen for
that hell.  She worried about what would happen when it all came
back to him.  Would it be too much?  Would it take him away?  And
where might it take him?  Back to his old life or to a mental
hospital.  She frowned.  For all she knew, his old life could
have been in a mental hospital.   Just as her thoughts would turn
morose, however, he would always catch her eyes and smile at her
with such heart-stopping sweetness that she would have to remind
herself to breathe.  Lucy was falling in love.  She remembered
the sensation.  She also remembered the pain of betrayal when
love's blinders were removed and reality hit full force. 
Somehow, though, Nicky seemed worth the risk.

Midnight came quickly and Jackie arrived.  Grabbing Nicky by the
hand and pulling him away from the grill, Lucy thanked the woman
who had agreed to split the absent Pauly's shift with her and
raced for the door.  

"In a hurry, Lucy?" Nicky asked, a dazzling smile on his face. 

"We have unfinished business.  You started something in the car
this afternoon and I think we have a lot to talk about."

"Just talk?" The smile turned mischievous.  

"Just get in the car, Casanova," she teased but Nicky's smile
faltered.  "What is it? A seizure?"

"A memory, I think.  A voice saying 'just get in the truck,' yeah
truck, not car.  Not Casanova, but something else."  He closed
his eyes.  His brow furrowed as he tried to dig deeper into the
memory.  Lucy took his hands in hers and held on tight.  "Chief! 
That's it.  He called me Chief. 'Just get in the truck, Chief.'"

"He?  The man who brought you here?"

"No, not him.  The voice isn't right.  I don't know who he is.  I
can't see him but the voice was clear."

"Could it have been Jim?"

"He's dead." Nicky snapped.

"Nicky, baby, he wasn't always dead."

"I don't know!" He jerked away from her.  "I wish it would all go
away!  I don't want to remember, damn it!  I mean, it had to
suck, right?  I mean, for me to end up where I was, it had to be
bad.  Whatever my life was before, whoever I was before, couldn't
have been good, right?  I just want to stay here."

"I would like nothing better, Nicky, but what if you have family
out there worried about you?  And you need to know why all this
happened.  You can't tell me that you don't want to understand
why."

"But Lucy, what if knowing hurts worse than not knowing?  What if
why is so bad that I'm better off not knowing?  What if why takes
me away?"  His eyes pleaded with her to understand.  "What if
this Jim was all I had?  He's dead.  I don't feel anything about
that right now.  If I remember, and he was family, or a friend,
it'll hurt.  I don't want to hurt anymore.  I did enough of that
when I was in that place."

Lucy felt tears well up in her eyes.  He looked so lost.  "I
don't know what to say to you, baby.  I think it's going to come
back whether you like it or not."

He leaned back against the car.  "I know," he whispered. "I'm
scared, Lucy.  I can't stop the dreams and I can't stop the
flashes.  Last night, I dreamed that I was drowning.  It felt so
real.  I think it was real.  Gee, sounds like such a nice life to
remember, huh?  Between that place and somebody that I should
know being dead and apparently drowning at some point, I'm
remembering a real Hallmark card kinda life so far.  Oh and
another weird thing!  There's always either a wolf or a big black
cat in my dreams, sometimes both.  Right before I wake up, one or
both of them are there.  And they don't sound too happy."

"You hadn't mentioned that before.  What do you think that
means?"

"I don't know.  Here's the best part.  You know, I know when a
seizure is coming on, right?"

"Yeah.  I hate to tell you this, honey, but yours are the
strangest seizures I've ever seen."

"Well, let me tell you how it feels, okay?  See, at first things
get a hazy around me and then I get this overwhelming feeling
like I'm not where I'm supposed to be.  I feel like running but I
don't know where I would be running to.  In the place," he
paused.  Lucy waited patiently for him to continue.  She knew
that *the place* was the lab that had held him prisoner.  He had
never called it anything but the place.  Even after his
descriptions of his experiences led her to believe that perhaps
those stories of secret labs were not paranoid delusions of
National Enquirer subscribers, he would not acknowledge it.  "I
just thought that I wanted out of there but even after the man
got me out of there, I still wanted to run.  I still do.  Then,
the convulsions start and the feeling isn't exactly gone, I just
can't do anything about it at that point.  I can't control
anything and then there's nothing.  Well, not quite nothing. 
It's like all my senses but one quit working.  I can only see, or
I can only hear, or only smell.  You understand?   Is that
because of what they did or did this always happen to me?"

"I don't know."  She took his hands in hers again.  "From what
you have remembered, you underwent sensory experiments, both
deprivation and overload.  The seizures affect your senses so
maybe they caused them, but there is an emotional side to them 
as well.  I just don't know, Nicky.  Thank you for telling me
about them."

"Thanks for not pushing.  I hope this wasn't the talk you wanted
to have though."

She laughed.  "Not by a long shot, Mister."  She touched his
cheek and raised up on her toes to kiss his lips gently.

_________________________________________________________________

Lee closed his eyes and sighed heavily.  "You weren't supposed to
give him a damn job!  And you damn sure aren't supposed to be
kissing him!"  He slid back into the driver's seat of the car and
hit the steering wheel with his fist.  He had watched the scene
in Ethel's Diner parking lot from the interstate overpass.  He
was almost ready to deliver the final blow to Powers' operation
and get the hell of Dodge and things had to get complicated.  She
had put Sandburg right out in the open and apparently fell for
him while she was at it.  He just did not see what women saw in
that guy.  He swore and drove away.  Maybe he needed to go ahead
with the call to Ellison.  What would he say?  If he did it
right, perhaps he could be done and out of the country by the
time Ellison actually got to Sandburg.  Something a little
cryptic would insure that Ol' Jim was looking for the right
person for just the right amount of time to let Lee make his exit
and leave Powers holding the bag.  He liked the idea of Powers
inside his former cell trying to explain what went wrong and why
she has nothing to show for the time and money she spent.  Or
dead from Jim Ellison's gun.  Either way was fine with Lee.  Now,
Sandburg living happily ever after at Ethel's Diner, that was not
at all fine.

_________________________________________________________________

Morning found Simon Banks watching a big cat pace back and forth
in his office.  Not a cat in actuality, but Jim Ellison sure
looked like one on the hunt as he walked from the door to the
window and back again.  Jim had entered the office and started
this annoying pacing without so much as one word.  Simon finally
figured that he would have to start.

"What can I do for you, Jim?"

The Sentinel stopped in front of him.  "Two things.  First, I
want my badge and gun back.  I haven't zoned out in a few days
and I think I have it under control."

"And just how did you manage that?"  Simon was skeptical.

"I'm not using my senses.  It's my only option until I find
Blair."

Simon sighed.  Blair Sandburg had been missing for over a month. 
No one had been able to find so much as a trace, not even Jim. 
Simon hated it but he had resigned himself to the probability
that Blair was dead.  Especially since the surveillance on Jim
had not resumed since the disappearance of the spy Jim had
caught.  Something had gone wrong with their plan, the way Simon
had it figured, and without one they did not need the other.  Jim
was not letting go, however.  It was an obsession with the man. 
If for no other reason than the instability that obsession
represented, Simon was not about to put Jim back out on the
streets.  He still felt guilty though, probably because part of
him wondered if Jim's problem did not stem from having nothing
else to occupy his time.  But the risks still outweighed the
benefits to Simon's mind.  The badge and gun would stay where
they were.  "Jim, I--"

"Okay, I see it on your face.  Never mind.  Two, if anything does
happens to me, promise me that you'll keep looking for Blair. 
Find him alive or find his body.  Will you do that for me,
Simon?"

"Yeah.  What are you planning?"

"I don't have any plans anymore, Simon.  None of my plans worked
anyway.  I'm just going to keep looking until I find him or I'm
dead."

"Jim--"

"What, Simon?  You think I'm crazy?  I am crazy.  But something
happened at that fountain, Simon.  When Blair's heart started
beating again, when he took that first breath, I felt it.  He did
it, he reached into me and I felt him finally connect with me. 
He hadn't before.  I had let him in but he hadn't really taken
the invitation until that day.  He came in and let me in at the
same time.  He was always somehow closed to me before then. That
changed at that fountain.  It's like, I was offering him a rope
and he finally reached out and took it.  But that rope is
unravelling, Simon, and I can't stop it and he can't stop it. 
We're both hanging on by a thread.  I can't let him go.  Call it
a Sentinel/Guide thing, Simon but there it is."

"I don't get it.  Sandburg's an open book.  You're the one that a
dentist's drill is the only way to get you to open up."

Jim laughed ruefully.  "Is that so, Simon?  Then tell me, do you
know the name of Blair's first love?  Do you know who his friends
were in school?  Do you know how he feels about not knowing his
father?"

"Well,--"  Simon realized that he did not know these things even
as Jim asked the questions.  "No, I don't."

"Neither do I, Simon.  Blair knows just about everything there is
to know about me.  Granted, he had to work hard to get the
information at first and sometimes still does when I'm being
stubborn.  But I let him in.  Fate didn't give me much of a
choice and neither did he.  Yet, he managed enough distance that
I didn't get the same insight into him as he did into me.  That
was by design, Simon.  Hell, part of my problem when Alex Barnes
came into the picture was I knew, sir.  I knew that he was not
tied to me as a Guide to a Sentinel.  Yes, we were friends but we
weren't connected.  He could have walked away from me as a guide
because he had not connected with me.  And I reacted to that on
some level that I'm just now understanding.  I was mad as hell at
him for not letting me in and I was going to make the break
before he did.  Then it all blew up in my face.  I pushed him
away to save my dignity and my heart and it nearly killed him. 
Did kill him.  He's never told me exactly what happened in that
space between life and death but he did tell me that he made a
decision and that he finally understood.  We had to deal with
some hurt feelings but hell, that was pretty easy when we didn't
have to say anything to each other for the other one to
understand how we were feeling.  I still don't know some things,
but he doesn't hide from me anymore, Simon.  He is that open book
to me, just like I am to him."

"You're scaring the hell out of me, Jim."

"How do you think I feel?  Especially since for the first time
since that day, I can't sense him.  I can't feel him or hear him
in my head.  I think that's what's causing the zone outs, Simon. 
Before, I either had his physical presence or, recently, his
mental presence, to ground me.  Both of those things are gone
now."

"Jesus." Simon whispered.  "Why can't things ever be easy with
you two?"

A ghost of a smile played on Jim's lips.  "Actually, I think
that's a Jim/Blair thing."

"So do I."

_____________________________________________________________

"You know what I would like to know?" Nicky asked as he and Lucy
lay in each other's arms in the mid-morning light.  Absently, he
caressed her shoulder.  

"What?"

"Why it is that none of these voices in my memory ever call me by
my name.  I got this memory of a woman calling me 'sweetie' and
some guy calling me 'chief.'  The man called me 'kid' mostly. 
Just that one time did he say my name and I can't remember what
the hell he said."  Lucy stiffened in his arms.  "What is it?"

"You didn't tell me about the woman.  Nicky, you could be
married."

Nicky felt his heart jump in his chest.  "No." he proclaimed.  "I
wouldn't forget that.  Would I?  Oh, God, Lucy, I can't be
married."

She got up quickly and reached for her robe.  "What if you are?"

Panic spread through him.  "I don't care.  I told you, I don't
want to remember.  I don't want to go back to that life.  I'm
happy with you."

"You don't even know who you are!  Nicky, you could remember
tomorrow and be gone.  I think we've made a big mistake."  She
almost made it out of the door before he could get up and cut her
off.  He grabbed her by her shoulders.

"Don't say that, Lucy.  No matter what, we did not make a
mistake.  I'm falling in love with you, Lucy, and whether I'm
'sweetie' or 'chief' or 'kid' or whatever the hell my real name
is, that won't change.  You took me in and you've taken care of
me.  You're funny and beautiful and you can't seem to stop
bringing home strays, me included.  You're the best person I
know."

"Nicky, I'm the only person you really know right now," she
reminded.

He chuckled.  "Guess you've got a point there.  But that doesn't
change the way I feel."

"Perhaps not but would you still feel that way if you knew the
whole story?"

He was puzzled.

"Nicky, have you ever wondered why a trained pediatrics nurse is
doing running a roadside diner in the middle of the Nevada
desert?"

"To be honest, no."

"I'm hiding, Nicky.  I'm hiding from an ex-husband who wasn't
what he seemed to be.  He was my high school sweetheart.  We lost
touch for a few years and when he came back around, I married him
without a single thought to how much he might have changed in
those absent years.  But he had changed, Nicky.  He had become a
very dangerous man.  I ran.  I sent him divorce papers but he
sent them back with a note saying that he would never let me go. 
He didn't show up for the court date and the judge granted my
divorce because he wasn't there to protest it.  I changed my last
name and disappeared.  Baldwin is not my last name.  It's
Ballard.  I've been hiding out here in the middle of God-awful
nowhere for five years, Nicky."  There were tears in her eyes as
she finished her story.

Nicky brushed them away.  "None of that is your fault, Lucy.  You
didn't do anything wrong."

"Except being stupid enough to marry him in the first place.  I
feel so foolish."

"Aren't we a pair?" He smiled at her.  "You with quite a past and
me with none at all."

"You're handling this all pretty well." 

He shrugged.  "I told you, I'm happy."

"So am I."

"Good.  Let's eat breakfast."  He took her hand and pulled her
out into the hallway.  He was about to tease her about her long
tangled hair when she faded from his sight.  Only for a moment
then he felt it, the panic and need to be somewhere else.  Where
he still did not know but the feeling overtook him just the same. 
He heard her say his name but could not answer.  He jerked his
hand from her and placed it on one side of the hall while the
other hand went to the opposite side.  He braced himself there,
even though she was urging him to sit down.  Suddenly, pain shot
through his abdomen as the convulsions started.  He fell, despite
his efforts to hold on.  He could vaguely feel her hands on him,
not restraining but comforting, and hear her voice whispering
soothing words.  His sight had already faded and touch was not
far behind.  Soon, he could only hear her.  She kept talking, her
words his only anchor to the outside world.  He wondered how long
it would be this time.

______________________________________________________________

"Jim?  Jim?  Damn it!  Ellison!!"  Simon shook the man standing
on the balcony.  He had come by because he had changed his mind,
given in, and was going to reinstate the detective who stood like
a statue overlooking Cascade.  So much for that.  Simon had let
himself in after there was no answer when he knocked even though
Jim's truck and Blair's car were present outside to find Jim in
the midst of a zone out.  The man had sworn to him just 24 hours
before that he had his senses under control.

Life returned to Jim's eyes.  "Simon?  What are you doing here?"

"I was going to reinstate you but I'm not now!" Simon knew that
he was still yelling but he could not help himself.  "What
happened to not using your senses?"

"I thought I felt him, Simon.  For just a moment, I thought I
could sense him.  I was trying to find him but he was gone."

"I don't want to know anymore of this stuff, Jim.  I don't like
all this mystical stuff.  I already know a lot more than I ever
wanted about you and Sandburg.  Thank you very much."

"Sorry, sir, but you did ask."

"I suppose I did.  Jim, I--"  The phone rang then, interrupting
Simon's apology for changing his mind yet again.  

Jim nearly knocked Simon down getting to the phone.  "Hello?"
Rage turned into confusion and back into rage on the man's face
as he listened to the voice on the other end of the line. 
"Brackett!  Don't you--"

Simon stepped closer as Jim put down the phone.  "What--"

"He thinks I don't know that was him!?  Who the hell is he
kidding!  I know he took Blair.  What the hell is his game now!?"

"Jim!  Calm down and tell me what he said!"  Simon shook his
friend again.

Jim jerked away from him.  "He said, 'You're looking in the wrong
place, Ellison.  Are you a gambling man, Jim?'  Then he said
something about me needing to keep my head together because
Sandburg was suffering because of my lack of control."

"What?"

"That's what I'd like to know!"

"Okay, settle down, Jim.  Maybe that first part was a clue."

"Clue?  I don't want to play guessing games!  I want my partner
back!"

"Nevada?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Gambling, Jim!  Maybe he was saying that Blair is in Nevada."

Jim looked at him with such hope on his face that Simon found
himself silently praying that he was right and that he had not
just raised Jim's hopes only to watch him fall.  "You think? 
That's a damn big leap, Simon.  Why would he tell us where to
find him now?  It could be a trap, too.  And he didn't tell us
where in Nevada.  And why tell us anything at all?  What is he
expecting to get out of this?"

"I don't know but I think we should at least check into it.  I'll
get everybody on it.  We'll check the hospitals and have the
Nevada State Police put out a APB."

"Posters!  Do you think that would help?  Maybe I can get some
more of those posters printed and send them out to law
enforcement agencies."

"Yeah, Jim.  Do that.  We just may be getting somewhere.  But
Jim, I hope you realize that we could just as easily find him
dead as alive."

"He's alive, Simon.  I've told you that."  Jim took off up his
stairs.  Simon could hear him tearing through his closet.

"I hope so, Jim.  For your sake." Simon whispered, hoping that
the Sentinel had turned down his hearing once again.

_______________________________________________________________

Lucy tip-toed around the kitchen, trying to keep from waking
Nicky.  He had worked the grill most of the night and had only
been asleep for a few hours.  Lucy could not sleep, however.  She
had been up just as late but could not seem to get her mind to
shut down.  She had fired Pauly finally.  After all, Nicky was a
much better cook and the last week had gone so smoothly that she
found herself wondering when the other shoe would drop.  Nicky
had not had any more seizures and had remembered, thanks to a
rare pleasant dream, that the woman who called him "sweetie" was
his mother.  He described her completely after he awoke but could
not remember her name.  

There were lots more bad dreams and plenty of flashes of memory
but nothing that gave them enough to go on to find out who he
was.  Just the night before, after they had made love, he
remembered, as she played with a strand of his curly hair, that
he had another nickname.  "Hairboy," she whispered, with the
smile on her face that she dared not have there while he was
looking.  He did not seem pleased and even suggested that he cut
the luxurious curls.  She had to beg and plead for the better
part of an hour to get him to abandon that plan.  He also had a
face now that he thought might be this Jim.  He kept seeing a
large stern-faced black man who smoked cigars.  The images of the
wolf and the big black cat still haunted his dreams as well. 
Lucy did not know what to make of that.  

What was more, the mysterious man who had dropped him off outside
the diner had not returned.  Lucy was grateful for that but
curious at the same time.  Nicky had become very important to her
in a very short time and she was not at all fond of the idea that
this guy could just show up out of the blue and whisk him away. 
She berated herself for those selfish thoughts even as she
thought them and continued to think them.  She wanted Nicky to
stay, plain and simple.  If the man returned, or Nicky remembered
everything about his past, chances were he would be gone before
she knew what was happening.

It was ironic, she mused, trying to turn her thoughts away from
the possibility that he would ever go, that he could remember all
sixteen names of the animals but not his own.  He had even
corrected her when she had gotten Eliza and Eleanor confused.  It
was not as though they looked so much alike.  Eleanor was
much bigger and was long haired while Eliza was obviously a runt
and was missing part of one ear.  Both of them loved Nicky.  As
did Catriona.  He could not sit down that all three were
clamoring to get into his lap.  Come to think of it, they usually
had to beat her there for she loved him too.  

A whimper coming from the bedroom caught her attention then and
she put down the dish that she was washing and dried her hands on
her apron as she made her way down the hallway.  She entered the
bedroom and sat down beside him on the bed.  She reached out and
touched his forehead softly.  He mumbled something.

"What, Baby?"  

Clear blue eyes opened and found her brown ones. "My name.  My
name is Blair."

"Blair what?"  she asked anxiously.

"I don't know.  He didn't say.  He just said Blair."

She searched his face then announced, "It suits you."

He smiled sweetly and turned his face into her caress.  "My name
is Blair."

Lucy's heart broke as she wondered how long she had left with the
man she had come to love.

________________________________________________________________

"We have a match with a hospital in Sparks, Nevada!  A John Doe
that sounds like it could be Sandburg!  They're faxing a picture
now!" Brown shouted as he jumped up from his desk.  "The doctor I
spoke to said that the guy was found just outside of town.  He
has a head injury and they had to cut his hair but hey, we'd know
Hairboy even without the hair!"  He headed for the fax machine
just as the fax phone rang and the little machine started.  The
whole bullpen gathered around and held their collective breath as
the paper appeared.  "And that ain't him."  Henry sighed as he
got a look at the face on the paper.  Muttered curses and sad
sighs went up all around as the crowd dispersed.  The man in the
picture was a good ten years older than Blair and did not look a
thing like the young observer to Henry.  He began to wonder if
anyone had even listened to his description at all.  He was glad
that he had not called Ellison with his false report.  "Damn," he
whispered.  

He walked back to his desk, despondent.  He picked up the phone
again to tell the good folks in Sparks that their John Doe was
not Blair Sandburg.  Perhaps he would tell them that they needed
hearing aids and glasses while he was at it.  Rafe was not having
any luck either.  His partner had been checking with law
enforcement for sighting of either Blair or Lee Brackett.  Megan
was trying to track down information on Brackett's ex-wife.  So
far, they had nothing.

Henry watched solemnly as his captain entered the bullpen with
Jim not far behind.  He knew that Jim had sent out posters with
Blair's picture on them with a request to contact Cascade Major
Crimes if anyone saw him.  The posters had gone out to law
enforcement agencies and post offices all over Nevada nearly a
week ago and no one had called.  Jim was not looking very happy
nor very well.  Henry noted the dark circles under the man's
eyes.  
  
"Not our guy.  Thanks," he told the same doctor as before when he
got through.  He hung up the phone and sat back in his chair.  He
did not know what else to try.

_________________________________________________________________

"Lucy!  Lucy!  I told you so!  I told you so!"  Carol yelled as
she entered the diner.

Lucy came out of the kitchen.  "Stop all that screaming before
you scare away the customers!  Told me what?"

"Is *he* here?"

"Of course.  *His* name is Blair, by the way.  Not Nicky.  He
remembered that this morning."

"I knew that already.  You want to know how I know?"

Lucy glared at her waitress.  The woman could be so annoying
sometimes.  "Just spit it out, Carol.  You are getting on my last
nerve here.  And you're late.  You were supposed to be here
nearly an hour ago.  Blair and I had to do the dinner rush by
ourselves.  We're outta here as soon as Jackie comes in so you
better get a move on.  We worked the night shift last night, in
case you--"

"He's wanted," the woman blurted out, cutting off Lucy's lecture. 

"Excuse me?"

"I told you so!"

"Damn it, Carol! If you don't stop with that and make some damn
sense, I swear I'm going to slap you."

"He's a criminal!  His picture is up in the post office!  I was
just there and there he was, his face and his name up on the
wall!  You know they only put the worst of the worst on the post
office wall, Lucy!  He's gonna kill us all!" 

"Keep your voice down!  You're gonna cause a panic, you idiot!"
Lucy dragged the woman into the back, past Blair and his curious
eyes, and into the storeroom.  "Now, what did the wanted poster
say?"

"That his name is Blair Sandburg and that anyone who sees him
should contact Cascade, Washington's Major Crimes division. 
Major Crimes, Lucy!  I wrote down the number!  I'm calling them
right now.  Dear God, we're lucky that we aren't dead already!"

"Stop it!  Ni--Blair wouldn't hurt anybody.  That poster did not
say that he was a criminal.  Maybe he's a witness or something. 
He can't be a criminal, Carol."  Lucy's mind went back to the
first night that Blair had arrived at the diner.  He was afraid
of the police that night.  He said that if he went to the police,
"they" would find him.  The police could be in on what had
happened to him.  "You aren't calling anyone, Carol.  Not until
we find out if the police were involved in what happened to him,"
she declared.  

"But Lucy--"

"You heard me.  Don't you dare call those people until Blair
remembers something that will tell us if they're friend or foe. 
Got it?"

"You're crazy!  It could be too late by then!  He could kill you,
Lucy!  He's not some little kitten or puppy!  He's a grown man
that's wanted by the cops!"

"I am well aware of what he is!"  Lucy felt her temper snap and
she struggled to get it under control before she killed the woman
herself.  "I think I should know pretty damn well since he's
sleeping in my bed!"

Carol gasped.  "Oh Lucy, you're in love with him!"

"And if I am, it's none of your damn business."  Lucy stormed out
of the storeroom.

"What's wrong?" Blair asked her.

"Nothing.  Just Carol being nutty again.  I'm gonna call Jackie
and Faye and see if they can come in a little early.  I'm not
feeling well and I wanna go home."

"I can stay and handle things with Carol.  I know that she hates
me but I think we can tolerate each other long enough to finish
this shift."

"I want you to come with me.  Please?" 

He smiled.  "Of course, that could be cool too."

"You know I love you, don't you?"

He cocked his head to the side in confusion.  "Yeah.  I love you
too.  Lucy, what's up?"

"I'm just tired."  He did not buy that story.  She knew that he
did not but she knew that he would not push at the diner.  She
would have to think of something to tell him when they got home.

_______________________________________________________________

When the phone rang, Henry glanced around to see if anybody else
was going to get it.  He was the only one near a phone that was
not already on a phone, however.  So he sighed and plucked the
receiver up and put it to his ear.

"Detective Brown, Major Crimes."  

A whispering voice came back from over the line.  "I saw the
poster in the post office.  I know where he is."
 
Henry nearly fell out of his chair as he scrambled to get a
pencil.  Frantic gestures to Rafe brought the other detective
over.  He scribbled a note on the back of the earlier false alarm
fax that sent Rafe running into their captain's office without so
much as a single knock.  

"Okay, ma'am.  Tell me your name and where you are."  Henry was
poised to receive the answer when the phone disappeared from his
hand.  He looked up to see Jim Ellison standing over him, his
missing phone in Jim's hand.

"And where is that, ma'am?  I see, Humboldt River, eighty miles
east of Winnemucca.  What?"  Jim paused.  "No ma'am, he's
not dangerous.  Just calm down." He had a puzzled look on his
face.  "He's been doing what?  Ma'am, that makes no sense.  I'm
sorry, say that again?"  Shock and pain etched their way across
Ellison's face.  "I see.  That explains a few things.  Thank you,
ma'am.  I'm on my way."  The woman apparently said something else
because Jim started shaking his head.  "No, no, don't say
anything.  I don't want to scare him off.  I'll be there soon." 
He hung up and flew out the door, Simon right behind him.

"Scare him off?  Brackett, maybe?" Rafe asked.

"What the hell is going on?"  Henry asked no one in particular,
seeing as how the only person who could answer that question had
already left.

______________________________________________________________

"Okay, Jim, where are we headed?" Simon buckled his seat belt
quickly as Jim flung the truck into gear.  

"Can you get us on a flight to Reno, Simon?  I think that'll be
the closest major airport.  We'll need a car there.  That woman
said that Blair is working as a cook in a little diner called
Ethel's off the interstate near the Humboldt River and 80 miles
east of Winnemucca."

"A cook in a diner?  What the hell?  Why hasn't he called?  And
where is Brackett?" Simon held onto the dash with one hand while
he tried to hold onto and dial his cell phone with the other. 
Simon refrained from asking one other question.  *Just how the
hell does Blair stand riding with you?*  No, Jim was never
getting another motor pool car.

"She said that he says that he doesn't remember who he is.  He
only remembers that his name is Blair and that he's been sick or
something.  She obviously didn't believe him, from the way she
said that.  I told her not to tell him that we're coming because
he was afraid to go to the police or to a hospital when he first
showed up there.  I'm afraid he'll run if he knows we're coming."

"Damn."  Simon turned his attention, as much of it as he dared,
to the woman's voice that came over the phone line.  Minutes
later, he hung up.  "We have two seats on a Northwestern flight
in two hours.  Stop by my place and let me get some clothes then
we'll swing by the loft for yours."  

"No need.  I have an overnight bag behind the seat."

"Should have figured that.  Anyway, there will be car keys at the
Northwestern desk."

"Good."  Jim took a turn at an alarming rate of speed.

"Jim!  Slow down!  It won't do Blair any good if you kill us both
before we even get to the airport."

"Sorry, sir.  It's just been--"  The man could seem to finish the
sentence.

"I know, Jim.  I know.  But it sounds like he's safe, right?  He
just has amnesia.  He'll be there and we'll find him and bring
him home."

Jim nodded.  "Then I'll find Lee Brackett and make sure that he
won't be bothering any of us ever again."

"Jim, that is not something you should be saying to anybody.  We
don't need witnesses that can testify against us."

Jim turned to look at him, his mouth open.

"Jim, watch where you're going.  You can hardly manage to drive
when you're paying attention."  Simon remarked dryly before
turning his own eyes forward.

________________________________________________________________

"Hello, Lee."  

Brackett turned to see Powers standing on Sherry's lawn.  "What
are you doing here?  How did you know where to find me?"

"I've been watching you pretty closely, Lee.  And you know how
good my people are at staying hidden.  You see, I didn't believe
for one minute that that idiot Simms was smart enough to pull off
the kind of elaborate scheme it would take to get Sandburg out of
my lab.  I just didn't have anything that pointed toward you.
Until now.  I've been checking into a few things, Lee.  You
haven't been canvassing anything or anywhere.  You've been right
here most of the time, except for that little excursion that you
took out into the desert.  They lost you then, a mistake that
they definitely regret.  Anyway, so I pulled your little friend's
phone record and there's a call on there to Ellison.  Gee, I
wonder what you two had to say to one another?"  

"I didn't tell him anything.  You don't have a thing on me,
Powers.  So I haven't been looking for Sandburg.  So I called
Ellison.  Means jack.  I'm not looking because I don't have a
place to start yet.  Your people aren't coming up with anything
for me to go on.  And Ellison?  I called him for the hell of it. 
I like causing the man stress.  Apparently, Simms wasn't as dumb
as you thought because he beat you, lady and I use that term
loosely."

"Very good.  You're a schooled liar, Lee, but you don't fool me. 
Then there's all those copies that you've been making of
documents that you shouldn't even have access to.  I've corrected
that problem, in case you're wondering.  Of course, some of my
files have been deleted.  I wonder how that happened.  Did you
think I couldn't figure it out?  Did you think I wouldn't
suspect?  Where are the copies of my files, Brackett?  And where
is Blair Sandburg?  Is he out there in the desert somewhere? 
They couldn't follow you close enough in that open area, they
said.  He's out there, isn't he?  Where?"

"I don't know."

"We'll see about that."  She snapped her fingers and two men
stepped out of the van behind her.  

Lee smirked at her.  Did she really think that she had him?  She
only brought two men.  Piece of cake.

_______________________________________________________________

Jim was irritated beyond his own imagining.  Their flight had
been delayed for almost two hours while Jim cursed Mother Nature
for the storm that kept them grounded.  They were in the air
finally, however and he tried to relax a little.  His jaw was
sore from clenching it in an effort to keep from biting people's
heads off. 

"Can I get you anything, sir?"  The flight attendant asked Jim,
breaking his contemplation of the dark night outside the window
of the plane.  

"No, thank you."  He turned back to the window and heard Simon as
the man asked for a cup of coffee for them both.  "I don't need
it, Simon."

"Drink it anyway.  Humor me.  Oh, and I'm driving when we get to
Reno.  You scare the hell out of me sometimes, Jim."

Jim chuckled, ruefully.  "I know, you keep telling me that. 
Whatever you say, sir."

The woman moved away and Simon pushed the cup of coffee in Jim's
hand.  "Jim," Simon whispered, "whatever you want, about
Brackett, I'll back you but I want you to think about this before
you let your anger make you stupid.  Brackett is dangerous,
that's true, but is his death worth prison?  You kill him and
that is a possibility."

"I know that, Simon.  I can only tell you this, I'm willing to
withhold judgement until I see Blair.  The shape I find Blair in
will whether Brackett gets a trial.  Can you understand that,
Simon?  Think of Darryl and tell me you don't understand that."

"I understand, Jim."

Jim focused his attention on the view of darkness outside the
small window again, the nothingness beyond the glass reminding
him of the absence of Blair's presence in his mind.  Suddenly,
his error in thinking became clear.  He had been searching for
Blair with his senses, thus limiting his search to the physical
plane.  But he was looking for his shaman.  To do that, he needed
to be searching not with eyes, ears and nose, but with mind,
heart and soul, on the spiritual plane.  He felt like kicking
himself.  All the time wasted made him shake his head in despair. 

"What is it?"  Simon asked beside him.

"Nothing, just thought of something that should have been
obvious."

"What's that?"

"Simon, there's a real good possibility that this is going to
fall into the category of stuff you don't want to know about.  Do
you want me tell you?"

"Nope.  I never asked."  His captain picked up the in-flight
magazine and pretended to read it.

Jim chuckled and settled back into his seat.  He took a deep
breath and closed his eyes.  He had not ignored Blair completely
when his guide tried to teach him meditation.

______________________________________________________________

Lucy had opted for telling Blair the truth when they arrived
home.  She could not think of anything else to tell him.

Of course, Blair had bought right into it, saying that the man
who had left him at the diner had told him to stay away from the
cops.  He was still arguing as they climbed into bed.  "I could
be wanted, Lucy.  I just don't know.  I shouldn't be here.  You
could get in trouble."   

"Don't be silly.  You are not a criminal and you damn sure aren't
leaving to protect me.  I'm a grown person.  I want you here. 
See, so there, you are wanted.  Right here."  She grinned and
kissed his nose.

"Lucy, I'm being serious," he scolded.  

"I know.  I just don't believe it.  Hand me that extra blanket. 
I got a little cold last night."
 
"Probably because I'm such a blanket thief.  Ah!  See there!  I'm
a thief!" He said as she scowled at him.  He reached then to get
the other blanket but stopped in mid-reach.  

"Blair?"  She grabbed him by the shoulders, expecting a seizure
to start at any moment.  Instead, though, he raised both hands to
his head and nearly doubled over.  "What's wrong?"

"Hurts!" he gasped.

"What hurts, Baby?"

"My head.  I need to sit down."

She maneuvered him so that he could sit down on the bed.  "Look
at me.  Let me see your eyes.  Come on, Honey."  She raised his
head.  His eyes were unfocused and tears were starting in the
corners.  She brushed one away as it fell.  "This isn't normal,
Blair.  I think we'd better get you to a doctor."

"No, no doctors, remember? It'll pass.  Do you have any aspirin?"

"I didn't say a hospital.  I said a doctor.  I can call Dr. Milap
in town.  She's my doctor and we can go to her office."

"I don't want to, Lucy, please.  I just want to take some aspirin
and lie down.  I'll be okay."

Lucy sighed.  "Okay, but if it gets worse, say you'll let me take
you."

"All right.  If it gets worse."

"Let's get you to bed then and I'll go get the aspirin."  She
gently pushed his shoulders back until he was lying down .  "You
rest and I'll be right back, okay?"

He did not reply, just let her pull the covers up over him.  She
rushed back to the kitchen and grabbed the aspirin bottle down
from the top of the refrigerator.  She filled a small plastic cup
with water and headed back.  She almost argued with him when he
dumped out four of the tablets and popped them in his mouth but
one look at the pained, tight expression on his face and the
squinted eyes stopped her.  She crawled into the bed beside him
and kissed his forehead, wrapping her arms around him. 

As he finally slipped into a fitful sleep, Lucy stayed awake and
worried.  What if he was wanted?  Not that she believed that he
was dangerous.  What if someone else saw that picture and called
the police.  Lucy liked the little town where she had settled and
she did not want to leave but Blair needed to be safe.  And she
wanted to be where Blair was, therefore she might have to
consider moving on.  But where to?  How far would they have to go
to escape those posters?  She had always wanted to see Australia. 
It would take all the money she had saved.  She could sell the
diner.  Jackie had offered her a tidy sum for it once before when
she thought she had seen her ex-husband in town and was getting
ready to run again.  That had turned out to be her over-active
imagination but this thing with Blair was not unfortunately.  She
would talk to Jackie.  And she would talk to Blair about it when
he was feeling better.
________________________________________________________________

Jim rubbed his aching head at the temples and swore under his
breath.  He felt as though he had ran headlong into a brick wall. 
More than once.  It was no use.  He could not reach Blair. 
Something was terribly wrong.  His anxiety level rose another
notch and he wondered just how long they were going to have to
circle the airport before the damn tower let them land.  His
annoyance must have been obvious because Simon gripped his
forearm.  "We could have practically driven here by now," he
grumbled. 

"No, we could not have, Jim.  It won't be long now.  Chill out."

"Been learning to talk from Darryl, Simon?"

"Had to learn so I would know what the hell he was saying.  Did
you know that things are 'tight' now instead of cool?"

Jim smiled.  "Are you 'bout it, sir?"

"Excuse me?"

"Are you bad, sir?  All that?"

"You've been learning from Sandburg, haven't you?"

"Blair picks up this stuff from the university all the time."

"Good!  Another resource.  I swear they ought to have to put out
a dictionary!"

Jim laughed for a moment then turned serious once again.  "I just
hope he's okay."

"Me, too, Jim."

The pilot's voice cut into the conversation.  "The tower has
given us permission to land.  All passengers please return to
your seats and fasten your seatbelts.  Thank you."

"It's about time." Jim grumbled as he reached for the seatbelt.  

Jim could find nothing else to complain about as the plane landed
smoothly, taxied to the gate quickly and he and Simon, as police
officers on official business, were able to get off first.  They
made their way to the Northwestern desk to pick up the keys to
their rental car.  There, however, Jim found something else to
complain about.  

"What do you mean, we have no car?" Simon asked the woman behind
the desk.  

"Sir, someone called and cancelled your car.  I sent the keys
back and the rental car desk closed hours ago.  There must have
been some mix-up because I was told that you had made other
arrangements and he had your names and all your information so I
just sent the keys back.  I'm very sorry, sir."

"Great.  You know who that was." Jim slapped the desk and turned
to walk away.  Simon followed, once again dialing his cell phone. 
"Who are you calling, Simon?"

"Information to get the number to the Reno Police Department. 
I'm going to see if I can't get us some help."

"No need for that, gentlemen."  

Jim spun to face the familiar voice.  "Where is he, Brackett?" 
Simon grabbed him by the arm to keep him from attacking the man
in the middle of the airport.

"Just calm down, Jimbo.  I'm here to help, believe it or not.  I
can take you to him."

"What's the catch?"

"We can talk about that in the car." Brackett motioned toward a
door.  "After you, gentlemen."  

Jim's eyes narrowed in suspicion.  

"Do you want Sandburg back or not, Ellison?"  Brackett taunted
before he obviously decided that he would go first after all. 
Jim took off after him, leaving Simon to grab Jim's forgotten
bag.

______________________________________________________________

"Better me than him." Blair's own voice woke him up.  He sat up
in bed.

Lucy's hand touched his arm.  "What is it?" 

"A dream.  Memory, maybe."  He got up and reached for his pants. 

"Where are you going?" 

"Outside.  I need to think about this."

"Want to talk about it?"

"You can go back to sleep, Lucy.  I'm sorry I woke you up."

"Blair, you didn't answer the question.  Do you want to talk?"

"Yeah.  I just didn't want to keep you awake."

"Sit back down and tell me about it."  She tugged on his hand and
he let her pull him down.

"It was a dream but not a dream, more like a memory of a dream. 
I've had it before, in the place."

"And?"

"It makes no sense, Lucy.  There's me and this Indian in a jungle
and he's talking to me in this language that I don't understand
but yet I know exactly what he's saying.  Except for one word. 
He keeps saying this one word and I have no idea what it means
and it seems like that word is what he's calling me.  It's
not Blair so evidently I have yet another nickname or something. 
Anyway, he keeps telling me to reach out to ask."

"Ask what?"

"I don't know but I keep telling him that I can't.  That I won't. 
Wait!" Blair paused and tried to focus on the dream for a moment. 
"Not ask...inquiry. Except he's not pronouncing it just right but
then, quite frankly, he's not speaking English either.  Then he
asks why and I tell him that I don't want to put him in danger."

"Who, the Indian?"

"No, I have a feeling that we're talking about somebody else. 
So, he says that I'm in danger and that it's the Sentinel's job
to protect his Guide.  And I say that it's the Guide's job to
protect the Sentinel."

"What?"

"Exactly.  Anyway, he calls me that word that I don't understand
again and tells me to look at the cat, the big black one, it's
there.  I do and it's howling like it's in pain.  I ask him
what's wrong with it and he tells me the same thing that's wrong
with the wolf but he's pointing at me.  He says that I have to
call out to him so that my pain will end.  I refuse and tell him
that it's better me than him.  That's when I woke up.  That's
always when I wake up."

"So you've had it several times?  And it's always the same?"

"Yeah, or close.  I told you, it makes no sense."

"Could 'him' be Jim?"

"Jim's dead."

"So this other guy said but what if he's wrong?  Or if he was
lying?"

"Why would he lie?  Besides, how am I supposed to find him, Jim,
whatever?  I barely remember my own name.  I don't even know what
I did for a living before.  I don't know where I come from.  I
can't even remember my own mother's name.  I know she's got red
hair and a pretty smile.  And just what does reach out to inquire
mean anyway?  What, the answers to my past are in the Yellow
Pages?  Or maybe I should just call information!  'Hi, yes, my
name is Blair and you know the rest so how 'bout telling it to
me?'  I don't think so."  He stood and began to pace the small
room.  "The very last thing I need is some cryptic dream messages
delivered by a Chopec Indian.  And when and why was I ever in
South America?"  He stopped pacing as the implications of his
last two questions hit him.  "Wait a minute.  How did I know
that?  How did I know his tribal name and where he was from?"

Lucy was silent and expectant on the bed, waiting for him to work
it out on his own.  

"I'm an anthropologist.  That's it.  I know all kinds of this
stuff.  Go ahead, ask me something about any primitive
civilization you can think of.  Bet I can tell you at least a
little something." He felt the smile on his face, even felt it
turning into a silly grin but he did not care.  He finally knew
something about who he was.  

"I'm afraid I don't know much about too many primitive cultures,
Baby.  Just the local Indian tribes."

"Tribes in this area were called Diggers by whites and even other
tribes because a large part of their diet consisted of roots and
starvation was a big problem in the winter.  They lived in small
family groups for the most part instead of village settings.  The
introduction of the horse changed some of that.  See?"  

She smiled back at him.  "That's wonderful, Blair!  What about
the stuff in the dream then?  Does it make more sense now?"

He shrugged, "No.  Maybe it was a memory of working with the
Chopec tribe in South America at some point.  It'll come back
though now, I'm pretty sure."

"What about the stuff about Sentinels and Guides?"

Blair felt his chest tighten and his vision blurred for a moment. 
He sat down on the edge of the bed.  Panic threatened to consume
him and he struggled to regain control of his erratic breathing. 

"Blair, honey, are you all right?"

"I think my headache is coming back," he told her even as his
head began to throb.

"Lie back then.  I'll get you some more aspirin and then I'll
give you a massage and see if that helps." She was up and gone
before Blair could even speak.  

He slowly lowered himself to the bed and grabbed one of the
pillows, shoving it under his head.  "What is wrong with me?" he
asked aloud.

________________________________________________________________

"You want to help?  Then start by telling us exactly where
Sandburg is and what you've done to him."  Simon spoke first as
they got into the car that Brackett had waiting for them.

"I told you, I'll do you one better, Banks. I'm gonna take you
there personally."

"And the catch?"

"Well, you see, I got myself into a little bit of trouble with my
new employer.   When my Plan A flopped, I busted the kid out of
her lab as part of Plan B.  Then she found out and as part of
Plan C, I need to get out of the country.  You help me and I'll
help you."

"And what if we don't deal?"

"Then you better hope that I don't get caught by her because I
have no intention of suffering for Sandburg's sake.  I'll tell
her where he is and you'll have to beat her to him.  She's got
goons out after me right now.  So, do we have a deal or does she
get to turn him into an interesting doorstop because if she gets
her hands on him again, that's all he'll be good for before she's
done."

Simon looked to Jim who nodded solemnly.  "All right, Brackett,
drive."  

"Thought you might see things my way."

Simon felt chills run down his spine.  They had just made a deal
with the devil for Blair Sandburg's mind and soul.

_________________________________________________________________

Patricia Powers cursed the person on the other end of the phone
as she picked it up.  "What and it better be good?"  Suddenly,
she was sitting up and grabbing her robe from the chair beside
her bunk.  "Did you say Ellison is in Nevada? Damn it!  I knew
Brackett told him." She paused and listened.  "Okay, get me the
records of all calls originating from Nevada to either Ellison or
the Cascade PD.  Do it now!" She slammed the phone down and
hurried to get dressed.  Once she had deemed herself presentable,
she called a meeting.  She entered the conference room and was
immediately handed the records she had asked for.  "I sent a team
back to Cascade to watch Ellison.  They got there only to find
that he is here in Nevada.  So, we have three things to do now. 
Find Sandburg, find Brackett, and find Ellison.  Sandburg and
Ellison, I want alive.  If you find Brackett, kill him."

"We need a place to start, Pat." Noah told her.

"I realize that."  She scanned the paper in her hand.  "And I
think you're about to get it."  She picked up the phone on the
conference table and dialed the number on the sheet that she did
not recognize.  

"Ethel's Diner," came the answer on the other end.

"Where are you located?" she asked the woman.  She smiled as she
wrote down the woman's directions.  "Thanks." She hung up.  She
handed the paper to Noah.  "Start right there."

_______________________________________________________________

Blair still had a headache when he woke up.  Lucy frowned as she
made breakfast.  He still refused to go to the doctor.  Well, she
thought, if you can not bring Mohammed to the mountain, bring the
mountain to Mohammed.  She picked up the phone and called Dr.
Milap.  The little woman was not above housecalls and, despite
that fact that the sun had just peeked over the horizon, assured
Lucy that she would be right over.  Lucy knew that Blair would
probably be angry but she was worried and he would get over it. 
The shower was turned off and she waited for him to appear at the
table.  When several minutes had passed and he did not appear,
she turned off the stove and walked down the hall to the bedroom. 
He was back in bed.

"Blair, I called Dr. Milap.  She's on her way," she admitted.

"Okay," he whispered.

"Okay?  You must really feel bad."  She touched his forehead and
her own to see if he was running a temperature.

He chuckled a little and took her hand in his.  "You just don't
know how familiar that seems to me.  Only I can't picture the
person doing it.  It's a man though.  Maybe my dad.  No, I don't
have a dad.  At least not one I know.  I remember that, sort of. 
She told me that I was a bastard."

"Blair, don't say that!"

"I'm not exactly.  I'm just saying what I was told, Lucy.  I
didn't mean to upset you. But if it's not my dad, then who the
hell is it?  And don't say Jim.  I don't even know if I want to
know who this Jim is."

"Okay, I won't say it." She grinned at him.

"But you're thinking it," he groaned.

"But I'm not saying it."  She touched the end of his nose with
her finger.  "Come to breakfast or should I bring breakfast to
you?"

"I'm coming.  Just give me a minute."

"Okay, one minute."

Breakfast was eaten and Dr. Milap had come and gone after
pronouncing that Blair needed to check himself into the hospital
for tests which he promptly refused to do.  Blair had gone back
to bed, proclaiming that the doctor's penlight had hurt his eyes
and made his headache worse.  Lucy wanted to strangle him for
being so stubborn but she could not bring herself to be too hard
on him as he held onto the wall to remain upright.  He was in so
much pain that she just could not yell at him.  She cleaned up
the breakfast dishes and fed the animals, smiling as she realized
that four of them were missing.  Eliza, Eleanor and Catriona were
not present at the cat dish just as Church was not present at the
dog bowl.  She peeked into the bedroom to find all of them piled
onto the bed with Blair.  Church looked up at her and tilted his
big head.  She smiled and went on about her chores.

_______________________________________________________________

"I know you hate me, Ellison but I swear to you, I'm trying to
help here."  Brackett sat in the back seat of the car after
proclaiming as they left the Reno city limits that he was too
tired to drive.  Simon was in the driver's seat.  They had been
on the road for almost three hours and so far Jim had kept
himself from killing the smug man.  "I couldn't sit back and
watch her destroy him.  She had some pretty stupid and wild ideas
about you two."

"What did this 'she' do to him?" Jim turned around in his seat
and glared at the ex-CIA agent.

"You don't believe that I was working for someone, do you? Well,
I was, Jim.  And if you think I'm dangerous, you're gonna love
her.  She's a bitch from hell, man.  I'm not kidding."

Jim reached back and grabbed Brackett by the collar.  "I asked
you a question.  What did she do to him?"

"She thought that she could affect your senses if she affected
his.  She put him in sensory deprivation for a while and that
didn't work so she put him through sensory overload."

"That might have been causing your zone outs," Simon whispered.

"Nope," Brackett disagreed.  "You need to whisper lower, Banks. 
I'm not even a sentinel and I heard that.  The funny thing is
that most of Jimbo's zone outs could not be tied back to Powers'
experiments.  That's her name, Patricia Powers.  However, all of
Sandburg's seizures could be tied back to Ellison's zone outs."

"What?" Jim dropped Brackett.  "What seizures?"

"The ones he started having after a few days.  You want to hear
my theory?  You see, at first I thought there was no connection
between the two of you but then I noticed something.  He never
once mentioned you.  Didn't ask where you were, how you were. 
Never mentioned your name at all.  Strange, huh?  Unless he knew
you weren't there.  Unless he was trying to protect you.  So, I
got to thinking that maybe there was a connection between you and
he was in control of it in some way.  He would try to protect you
through it.  I think he shut you out, Jim, to keep you from
walking into Powers' trap and I think the seizures were the price
of that protection.  I told you that your lack of control was
hurting him, didn't I?  Then Powers pushed him too far and he
cracked and doesn't even remember how he came to where he is or
rather was.  He still kept having the seizures, though."  Jim
watched as Brackett swallowed hard. "They're pretty bad, Ellison. 
I couldn't---"  The man bit his lip and shook his head.

"I don't believe it.  Don't tell me you have a heart after all."
Jim remarked sarcastically.

"Hey, you know what, Ellison, screw you.  I risked my freedom to
get your guide out of there.  I don't have to take your smart ass
remarks."

"Yeah, well, I'm sure you had your reasons!"  Jim turned back
around and drew his hands over his face.  "Son of a bitch," he
whispered.

"You think he's telling the truth?" Simon asked him.

"Of course, I'm telling the truth!  Why the hell would I lie now,
for Christ's sake!?" Brackett was indignant.

"He's telling the truth, Simon.  Damn!  Poor Blair.  Simon, this
is not what I wanted.  If this connection is going to hurt Blair,
I don't want it anymore."

"Jim, don't panic.  It's just his theory right now.  Let's just
get to Blair and we'll figure out the rest of it later."

"Yeah.  Let's just find him and get him home.  And Simon, don't
let me zone out, okay?  Do whatever you have to do, just don't
let me zone."  Jim focused his eyes straight ahead and prayed.

________________________________________________________________

"More dreams?"  Lucy asked as she pushed stray curls from Blair's
forehead.

"Yeah.  I tell you, Lucy, if these dreams are what my life was
like, I'm not sure I want to ever remember."

"What do you mean?"

"I was in this warehouse, I guess and there was this really
strange guy and a dentist's chair.  He kept talking about his
friends and I just know he killed them all.  Then all I can see
is the color yellow and there's gunfire."

Lucy shuddered.  "Damn, honey.  That sounds awful."

"That's not all.  Then there were all these demon things made of
ashes and fire coming at me and I start running and ran headlong
into a fight between these two big cats.  Jaguars, one's the
black one that I always see, the other is spotted and then I'm
drowning again.  I was dying, Lucy, I know I was.  And this guy
was screaming at me in the background and that damn cat was
howling."

"I'm sorry, Baby.  Are you feeling any better?"  Lucy asked
because she did not know what else to say.

"Not really.  My head hurts and I get dizzy when I try to get
up."

"Just rest.  I'm going to call the diner and tell them that we
won't be in today."  She got up and left him lying in bed, Church
draped across his legs and cats all around him like little furry
guardians.

_________________________________________________________________

"Let me out here.  I can't go up to the house.  Just follow this
road and you'll find it.  You can't miss it, it looks like an
animal shelter where the animals have taken over."  

"You must be kidding.  I'm not letting you out of my sight,
Brackett." Jim told the man.

"I'll wait for you, Ellison.  Remember, you guys are my ticket
out of the country.  I just can't be seen there."

"Why?" Simon asked even as he brought the car to a stop.  

"I just can't.  I'm not welcome there."

Simon looked to Jim who shook his head.  "I don't care where
you're welcome, Brackett.  You're not getting out of this car."

"The hell, I'm not." Before Jim could grab him, he was out the
door.  "Now, like I said, I'll be here waiting for you."

"We're supposed to take your word for it?"

"Let me explain something, Ellison.  I may not be a man of honor
by your terms but you are.  We had a deal.  I'd get you to your
guide, you'd help me get the hell out of the country.  I'm
expecting you to live up to your end because I lived up to mine. 
Now, go get your partner, 'cause Jim, you're pretty damn
worthless without him.  If you don't believe me, ask Powers." 
The man slammed the car door and headed off the road.  

"You want to go after him?" Simon asked.

"No, let's get Blair.  If he takes off, I'll track him."  Jim
watched the man disappear in the scarce cover of the desert.  

____________________________________________________________

Lucy dried her hands on her dish towel when she heard the car
coming up the road.  Her house was only one of two on the dirt
road and she had grown accustomed to having Pauly show up at
least every other day to ask for his job back.  It was his day.
She shook her head.  However, the car that appeared was not
Pauly's.  She sent a nervous glance down the hallway.  The car
stopped out in front and she watched as the two men in the car
got out.  One was white and the other was black.  The black man
fit Blair's description of the man he had seen in some of his
memories.  He was indeed stern-faced and he took a cigar from
his lips as he approached the house.  Lucy raced down the
hall.  "There's somebody here.  I think they may be looking
for you.  Wait here and don't make a sound until I find out what
they want." 

Blair struggled to sit up. "Lucy, don't.  Just pretend we aren't
here.  Don't go out there."

"I'll be okay.  I'll try to figure out if they're good guys or
bad guys.  You just stay in bed and try to relax."

"Take the dogs at least.  Church, go with Lucy.  Go on." He
shooed the dog but it whimpered and snuggled down closer to him.  

Lucy almost laughed.  "Scarlett and Rhett are out there
somewhere.  I'll be fine."

______________________________________________________________

"He's in there, Simon!"  Jim told his captain.  "I can hear his
voice and his heartbeat."

"Just calm down, Jim.  Remember, he doesn't know us.  You don't
want to give him a heart attack."  

The door to the mobile home opened then and a woman stepped out. 
"Can I help you gentlemen?  Are you lost?"

Jim opened his mouth to demand that she let him see Blair but
Simon was faster.  "Actually, ma'am, we're looking for a friend
and we have reason to believe that you have seen him and might
know where he is."

She shook her head.  "We had a stranger come through a few weeks
ago but he kept moving on.  Haven't seen anybody else out of
place.  What's his name?"

"Blair, Blair Sandburg." Jim gave Simon a sour look as he took
out the poster and stepped forward to give it to her.

"No, haven't seen him." She held it out for Jim to take it back. 
"And you are?"

"Captain Simon Banks, Cascade Police Department in Washington. 
This is Detective Jim Ellison.  Mr. Sandburg is not in trouble,
Miss...?"  

Jim heard her heartrate nearly double when his name was given. 
"Baldwin."

"Miss Baldwin, Blair is my partner.  He's been missing for nearly
two months."

"Your partner?"  She met Jim's eyes and seemed to be measuring
him.  "Sorry, don't know him."

"You're lying."  Jim grabbed the woman by her arm as she tried to
turn and go inside the trailer.

"You're hurting my arm.  Let go before I call my dogs," she said
calmly.

"Let her go now!" A familiar voice caused Jim to release the
woman.  All heads turned to the far end of the house where Blair
stood, leaning heavily against the metal siding, a shotgun in his
hands.  Next to him were three very large and apparently very
angry dogs.  

"Blair!" Jim smiled despite the fact that his partner did not
look well.  He was pale and unsteady.  Jim moved to go to him.
 
"Don't come any closer or I'll shoot you.  Now, step away from
Lucy.  Lucy, come over here to me."  The woman cautiously moved
past Jim toward Blair.

"Blair, buddy, it's me.  It's Jim.  Come on, Chief, you remember
me, right?"

"Jim is dead.  I don't know much but I know that much.  Try
again.  Where is she?"

"I'm not dead, Chief.  I'm right here.  And that's Simon, Captain
Banks."

"Him, I remember, his face anyway.  I'll ask you once more, where
is she?"

"The woman from the lab, right?  I don't know, Chief.  Brackett
helped me find you."

"Brackett?"  The woman's face turned stark white.  "Oh my god! 
Blair, we have to get out of here."

"What is it, Lucy?"

"Brackett.  Lee Brackett, that's my ex-husband, Blair!  I've got
to get out of here!"

"Ex-husband!  You're Lee Brackett's ex-wife!" Simon shouted as
Jim stared at her incredulously.

"I won't let him hurt you, Lucy.  I won't let anybody hurt either
of us."  Blair raised the gun higher on his shoulder and turned
back to Jim.  "I want you to leave.  Now."

"I can't leave, buddy.  Not without you.  I need you to come with
me.  We'll figure out all of this stuff later.  Right now, you
don't look so good and I want to take you to a hospital."

Blair shook his head.  "They'll find me at a hospital.  But maybe
that's what you want.  Maybe, you're part of all this.  They did
those things to me because of this Jim guy so if you're him then
it's your fault, you're part of it."

"Chief, I'm sorry.  I should have protected you better.  It is my
fault.  It's my job to protect you and I didn't do that but I'm
not part of what they did.  Please, Chief, put down the gun and
let me talk to you."

"Stop calling me Chief!  God!  Can't anyone just call me by my
damn name!  No wonder I forgot it!  No one ever says it!  It's
sweetie and Chief and kid and Hairboy, for god's sake.  I really
hate that one! I remembered my name, despite everything that they
did to me and I want to be called by it!  Damn, my head hurts!"
He nearly doubled over, one hand leaving the gun to rub one
temple.

"Blair, put the gun down.  You hate guns, remember?  I tried once
to get you carry one and you told me no in no uncertain terms. 
It doesn't even feel right in your hands, does it?"  Jim took an
experimental step toward his guide.

"Shut up!  You're supposed to be my protector, huh?  Falling down
on the job there, aren't cha, *buddy.*  And just who the hell are
you that you're supposed to protect me?"

"He's a cop, so he says." 

Jim was about to respond when his attention was drawn away by the
sound of vehicles turning onto the dirt road.  "Somebody's
coming, Simon," he announced.  

"I don't hear anything," the woman that Blair called Lucy
snapped.

"They're coming fast, too.  Blair, come on, please, I don't know
who that is.  Are there other houses on this road?" he asked the
woman.

"One other," the woman said.

"I don't hear it either,"  Blair looked at him skeptically, then
tilted his head as though thinking something through.  

Jim did not have time to pursue it with him though.  He drew his
gun as did Simon. "We better get ready, just in case." 

Simon nodded and took cover in front of the rental car. 
"Sandburg, get down.  You too, Miss Baldwin."

Blair did not move.  He remained, leaning on the trailer home,
balancing the heavy shotgun on one hand while the other grasped
his forehead.  Miss Baldwin, or Mrs. Brackett as Jim had begun to
think of her, tried to support him and whispered to him.  Jim
toyed with the idea of eavesdropping but decided that there were
more pressing matters at hand than what the woman was saying to
his partner.   "Blair, that's you.  Sandburg is your last name."
Jim told the younger man as he moved alongside Lucy's Honda. 
Still, neither Blair nor the Baldwin woman moved.  He was about
to say something more when the two vans came into view.  One of
them immediately swerved and blocked the road while the other
pulled into the yard behind the rental car.  "Damn it," Jim
whispered.

_______________________________________________________________

"Protector." Blair murmured.  "The Sentinel protects the Guide. 
The Guide protects the Sentinel.  I remember I was studying that. 
Sentinels.  I found one and she tried to kill me.  No, that was
something else, someone else.  I can't make it make sense." He
could hear Lucy and felt her take the gun from his hands.  She
was urging him to sit down and he did, while his mind raced,
searching for the answers he needed to make the puzzle of his
memories into a picture he could recognize.  His thoughts stopped
and his blood ran cold, however, when a voice that was so often
in his nightmares entered his reality.

"Isn't this cozy?  We're all together now in one place."  

Blair looked up and across the lawn to where the woman stood. 
Around her were several of the faces that Blair had seen in his
nightmares as well.  And they all had guns.  He wanted the
shotgun back suddenly and glanced around himself frantically for
it.  It was in Lucy's hand.  He tried to take it but did not have
the strength to pull it from her.  Lucy stood, leaving him
sitting on the ground.  The pitbulls, Scarlett and Rhett, flanked
her while Church drew closer to Blair and licked his hand.  

"Who are you?  What do you want?" Lucy demanded.

"I want my research project back."

"Not in this lifetime." The man who claimed to be the mysterious
Jim growled.  

"Well, well, Mr. Ellison, so we meet at last.  Boy, do I have
some interesting things to tell you.  And some interesting things
to try out on you as well, now that I know how the connection
works, that is."

"I should just blow you away right now for what you did to him." 

"Now, Jim, you shoot me and my people will shoot your guide.  Not
even you could manage to shoot all of them before he dies."

"Guide," Blair whispered as another piece of the puzzle slipped
into place.  

"He's got help, lady.  I think I know who you are and you'll take
Blair out of here over my dead body." Lucy challenged.

"No!" Blair screamed and tried to pull himself up from the
ground.  

"Fine by me."  

It happened so fast that Blair was not really certain where the
man had come from.  A shot rang out and the woman was falling,
the man who helped him escape tackling her.  For a split second,
he thought it was over.  Then Lucy fell.  Blair saw the bright
red stain spreading across her shirt.  

"No!" Blair screamed again only to realize that he was not the
only one screaming.  The man was screaming as well.  The man
reached Lucy first and scooped her up in his arms.  There were
more gun shots and Blair felt himself being dragged behind Lucy's
car.  The man dragged Lucy around the side of the house though
and Blair tried to get up and go to her.  Hands gripped his
shoulders.  "Stay here, Blair.  He'll take care of her."

"Let me go!"

"No!  Please, Blair, I'm your friend!  I just want you to stay
safe!"

"I don't know you!"

"I'm Jim!  I'm the Sentinel, you're my Guide!"

Blair's head felt as though it would explode and he wanted
nothing more than to get away from the man.  The other man
provided his opportunity.

"Jim!  I could use a little help here!" the black man yelled over
the gunfire.  

"Stay!" the man ordered once more before turning his attention
back to the firefight.  

Blair waited until the two men were talking and not paying him
any attention then took off for the side of the house.  He heard
the man call him back and then swear.  He just kept going. 
However, when he was almost there, he stopped, his vision
wavering.   Church was at his side in an instant.  It was
happening again.

______________________________________________________________

"Blair, no!  Damn it to hell!"  Jim could only watch as his Guide 
took off toward the mobile home.

"Can you get a line on the woman?"  Simon asked, tugging on his
sleeve.

"Maybe.  She's headed back out toward the far van.  I'm going to
see what I can do to make sure she doesn't go anywhere. Cover
Blair if you can and don't let me zone.  I do not want to see one
of those seizures."

"Don't want much, do you? I'll do my best."  

Jim focused on the van that was blocking the roadway.  He had
seen the woman run toward it when he pulled Blair behind the car
but she had disappeared inside and Jim did not want her to have
the opportunity to escape. Simon tried to cover both he and Blair
as best he could as Jim raised himself just a bit from behind the
car to get a better line of sight.  He saw her.  She was in the
driver's seat.  He hesitated for a moment, trying to decide
whether he should try to hit her or just prohibit her escape by
disabling the vehicle.  He thought of Brackett and all the things
that had been done to Blair and focused on the woman's shoulder. 
He wouldn't kill her, not unless she gave him just one more
reason.  He actually wanted her to give him that reason.  Perhaps
that momentary flash of temper was what pushed him over the edge. 
He did not even feel the zone as it swept him away into the
oblivion of her pastel flowered blouse.

______________________________________________________________

The feeling was so strong that it nearly took Blair off his feet. 
He was supposed to be somewhere else.  He was supposed to be
doing something.  He had a job to do.  He was the guide and if he
was the guide then...  "Inquiri!"  Memory came flooding back and
for a split second threatened to send Blair spiralling into
darkness.  Incacha's face loomed in front of his eyes.  "Reach
out, Shaman!" the man urged.  

Blair spun on his heels and saw the truth of his life.  Jim
Ellison was standing, zoned, a Sentinel trapped in his own senses
without his Guide to pull him out. But he was the Guide.  Jim's
Guide. "Jim!"  Blair could see one of the goons from the lab, his
gun leveled at his best friend.  He ran.  He hit Jim broadside
and the two of them hit the hard ground.  He felt something rip
through his upper arm and ignored it.  "Jim?  Are you okay?  Jim,
answer me, damn it!"  Hands grabbed him and shook him.  He looked
up into Simon Banks' worried eyes.

"Blair?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you--?"

"Yeah, he does, Simon.  I can feel him again." Jim's voice
startled them both.  "Let's finish this."  Jim sat Blair up and
and ripped a part of his shirt away.  "Tie that wound up, Chief. 
When we get rid of these guys, I'll take a look at it."  

Blair tried to reassure himself and the Sentinel.  "It's just a
scratch, I think.  I'll be okay."

Then the shooting stopped.  The three of them looked at each
other. 

____________________________________________________________

"It's over, Ellison," came a familiar voice.  Jim closed his eyes
and frowned.  "Powers is dead and I have the second in command
here with his own gun to his head.  He's decided that maybe he'd
just be better off at some nice hazardous materials plant and his
guys are going with him.  Ain't that right, gentlemen?"

"Brackett," Jim stood, "put the gun down.  We had a deal." He
surveyed his surroundings.  Brackett did indeed have a man by the
throat, a gun to his head.  All but one of the rest of Powers'
men was wounded and all of them had given up their weapons.

"Deal's off.  You have your Guide back but I don't need your help
anymore.  My plans didn't quite work out the way I wanted so I'll
just be taking care of a few loose ends.  So, at any rate, you
don't have to worry about me anymore.  She wasn't supposed to get
hurt, Ellison.  I never meant for her to get hurt.  You tell her
that I loved her.  That I love her still and that she'll never
have to hear from me again."

"Lucy!"  Blair eluded Jim's hand and ran to where he had seen
Brackett take Lucy.  

"If she lives, that is.  I told her but I don't think she
believes me,"  Brackett whispered.  "I'm going now.  You guys
just hang loose here and I'll just take this van over here."  

Jim was torn.  He wanted to go to Blair.  His friend was going to
need him.  He had seen the woman's wound.  She was not going to
make it.  Then again, he did not want Brackett to walk.  Brackett
saw his hesitation and took that as a cue for him to leave. 
Simon was rounding up Powers' men.  Jim fought with himself.  He
never really made a conscious decision.  Brackett got into the
van, tossing his hostage away as he did, and Jim found himself
moving toward Blair as the van drove away.  

_______________________________________________________________

Blair did not care what happened to Brackett.  He focused on
Lucy, the woman who had taken him in and cared for him.  She lay
on the ground.  Next to her were her two pitbulls, the loyal dogs
that loved her so.  She had told him the story of how she got
them from a man who was going to kill them because they were not
vicious enough to be guard dogs in his opinion.  Both of them had
been shot.  Blair thought he had seen them attack a few of the
men from the lab.  They had certainly tried to guard the woman
who showed them love.  Rhett was dead.  Scarlett was not far
behind.  They had guarded her with their lives.  Even in death,
they were beside her.  Scarlett whimpered at him as he knelt
beside them and then she let go of life, knowing that someone was
there to take over for her.  Blair choked on his tears as he
realized that, despite her efforts, Scarlett's mom would follow
her soon.  He lifted Lucy onto his lap.  Her eyes fluttered open. 
"Lucy, oh man, Lucy, I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for.  Do you remember?"

He nodded.  "Yeah.  He's Jim.  He's my best friend, my family."

"Good.  Be happy, Nicky.  I just had to call you that once more."
Her eyes closed.

"Lucy, I love you," he whispered.

"No, it's I Love Lucy," she corrected, her voice barely audible.

"I do.  I Love Lucy.  I'll always love Lucy.  Ah, God!"  She was
gone.  He lifted his tear-filled eyes and met Jim's.

_______________________________________________________________

It was a nice day.  Not too hot by Nevada desert standards
anyway.  Blair Sandburg stood by the graveside long after the
funeral was over.  The casket was covered now and he placed the
roses he carried on top of the newly replaced earth.  Jim had
come with him to the funeral but he had sent the Sentinel back to
the trailer to get some of the things that he wanted to keep to
remind him of the woman who saved him and was his friend when he
was alone in the world.  Besides, he knew that there was someone
who would want to say goodbye that would not come around as long
as Jim was there.  

"I did love her, you know?"

Blair did not turn to look at Lee Brackett.  "I know.  So did I."

"I made a lot of mistakes with her.  I hurt her pretty badly.  I
thought that I could be one person with her and another when I
had to be.  Thing was, I kept being the wrong person at the wrong
times.  She found out about me.  My life as an agent.  It wasn't
pretty and she couldn't handle it, especially that one Op.  The
operation that she stumbled onto was enough to send most folks
packing.  I killed a lot of people that time.  She freaked and
ran but I didn't want to let go.  After I thought about for a
while, I was ashamed of myself for scaring her that way.  I put
her here in more way than one." Brackett pointed to the grave. 
"I guess I'll have to live with that."

"Yeah, you will." Blair stated solemnly.  "So will I.  Who would
thought that we would have had something in common?"

"Well, there are worst things to share than the love of a good
woman and Lucy was that."

"Yes, she was." Blair sighed.

"I'm glad you're okay, kid."  He moved up beside Blair.

"Thank you.  I wouldn't be, if not for you."

"I had my own reasons, I won't lie."

Blair chuckled.  "I know that too.  I'd better get back.  Jim
will be worried."  He stooped and placed his fingertips to his
lips then to the roses on the grave.  He stood and walked away.

"See you around, kid."

"Not if I see you coming first," Blair answered.

"Oh but you won't." Brackett laughed.

Blair did not answer.  He had someone waiting for him.

_________________________________________________________________

Jim felt painfully out of place amongst Lucy Baldwin's friends. 
Ballard, he reminded himself.  Her real name was Ballard.  She
had spent five years hiding from Brackett in this out-of-the-way
little town.  Jim had discovered that she was well-liked and
respected and he and Simon tried to stay out of the way as her
many friends grieved for her loss.  The tiny mobile home where
she had lived was filled with them, however, and inevitably, Jim
found himself drawn into conversation more often than was
comfortable.  He willed Blair to hurry up.  He had left his guide
by the woman's grave, grieving privately before having to come
back here and face these same people that Jim wanted to escape.
To add to Jim's distress, there was a little voice in Jim's head
that was whispering that Brackett would show up at some point. 
Jim did not relish the thought of Blair dealing with the man on
his own.  Blair was not worried, however.  Blair believed naively
that Brackett would not disrupt his ex-wife's funeral.  Jim shook
his head.  

He and Simon had taken care of the lab.  They had *persuaded* one
of Powers' men to take them there before they had turned them
over to the Nevada State Police.  The two of them had destroyed
all data concerning Jim's abilities, though there was
surprisingly little to be found.  Only the records of Blair's
ordeal were left as evidence of the kidnapping and there were not
that many of those either.  It was a wasted effort anyway really. 
There would be no trial.  One by one all of the prisoners were
killed in lockup in just the three days since the shootout. 
Nevada officials were investigating but Jim knew what had
happened.  Brackett had happened.  He was protecting his
investment, so to speak.  Somehow, Brackett had paid somebody to
get rid of the competition.  Or perhaps, he had actually cared
for his ex-wife and it was payback.  Either way, Brackett's loose
ends were tied up and Jim had to wonder what that would mean for
his own future.  Brackett was gone and he had even more
ammunition than ever against Jim and his guide.

"So, I'm glad that things worked out for you."  

Jim looked down into the eyes of the waitress, Carol, the woman
who had called them.  "Thank you.  I'm sorry about Miss Ballard."

"She was Baldwin to us.  You know, it's hard to believe.  I
thought it was your friend who had something to hide and it was
Lucy.  I wish she had told me.  Poor Lucy.  She was a sweet soul. 
I don't know what is going to happen to all these animals now. 
And the diner.  She said that she didn't have any family.  Your
friend, Blair, made all the funeral arrangements, though we knew
her better." 

Jim did not like the direction this conversation was taking.  
Despite the fact that she was the reason he had found his
guide, Jim had the feeling that he would not like Carol very much
if he continued to talk to her much longer.  "Excuse me."  He
walked away, heading for the front door.  Blair was nearly there. 
Jim smiled as he realized that fact just as surely as he knew
that Blair was alive, a little sad, but alive.  He could feel it. 
Blair was allowing him to feel it.  Brackett was right, Blair did
have the majority of the control over their connection.  As it
should be.  Blair was the shaman.  He was the spiritual half of
their partnership.  Jim was the Sentinel, the physical half,
jaguar spirit guide aside.  They had to deal with the
implications of everything that had happened but together they
could handle it.  Jim was certain of that.  

Jim tilted his head and listened beyond the car that he had
identified as the one that was bringing his partner to the house. 
There was another car not far behind.  Jim focused on it, still
wary of anyone coming too close to Blair.  He heard only one
heartbeat behind the droning motor and it seemed to turn off onto
a side road.  For a split second, the whining of the cars'
engines threatened to sweep him into a zone out but Jim felt
Blair's presence touch him and he quickly pulled his senses back
in line.  Jim was amazed and amused.  But he was also worried. 
There were questions that needed answers.  Would Blair's seizures
and headaches return if Blair could not reach Jim or vice versa? 
How would distance affect their connection?  Would there ever be
a zone out that Blair could not pull Jim out of and if so, what
would happen to Blair?  All things that Jim had not even
considered or even knew that he had to consider when he had first
reached out and touched his shaman's soul.

"Hey, Jim.  You're a million miles away."  Blair was suddenly
there, getting out of the car and smiling at him, though the
smile was a little hesitant and sad.

"Maybe, but I'm not zoning." Jim tried to pour all the warmth he
could into his own smile.

"I felt it, you know?  You almost zoned, listening to me coming
down the road.  This is too weird."

"We've been doing it for a long time.  It's just been unconscious
on both our parts."

"I think I would have rather left it in our unconscious.  It'll
be okay though.  Once we get back into our normal routine, we'll
be fine."

"Blair, we need to find out a few things."

"I know.  We will.  I'm trying to figure out how without any
major damage to either of us."  Blair looked down at his feet
then and Jim could see the dark shadow pass over his expression
even as he felt it wash over his own emotions.  "Jim, I'm really
sorry about forgetting you."

Jim cuffed him on the side of the head affectionately.  "I can't
believe that you're worried about that.  Blair, you were tortured
until you forgot who you were.  How the hell were you supposed to
remember me if you didn't remember you?"

Blair shrugged and stared off into the desert.  Jim knew about
the tears before they came.  "I've got to get control of myself,"
Blair mumbled.  "I know you can feel what I'm feeling.  I'm
projecting it and I can't stop."

"It's okay, Chief."  Jim reached out and tucked his guide beneath
his arm.  

"Yeah, you say that now.  Just wait.  After a few weeks on the
Sandburg roller coaster, what cha gonna do then? I can be really
moody, Jim.  After all, your house rules are enough to send me
over the edge some days.  I'll be taking you with me."

Jim laughed, despite the fact that Blair's attempt at humor did
nothing to lighten Blair's own heart.  "Since you put it that
way, you have *got* to get a handle on this thing."  Blair tried
to smile but it did not reach his expressive eyes.  "You really
loved her a lot.  I'm truly sorry about Lucy, Blair."

The dam broke and Blair turned his face to Jim's chest.  "She was
real special.  You would have liked her," he murmured though his
tears and the fabric of Jim's shirt.  

Jim wrapped his arms around the younger man's shoulders.  "I'm
sure she was, if you loved her so much."

Blair straightened and pulled himself out of Jim's arms then.  "I
think I found homes for all the cats.  People were so nice about
it.  They all wanted to help out because they were Lucy's cats."

"Even that little ugly one with only one and a half ears?"

"Eliza is not ugly, Jim and she went first, I'll have you know. 
Jackie is gonna take over the diner and she's taking the little
dogs.  Pauly gets his job back, at least until he pisses Jackie
off anyway.  The only problem I have now is Church."

"That's the big mutt, right?"

"You're not an animal person, are you, Jim?  Yes, he's a mutt but
he's a good dog.  He could tell when I was about to have a
seizure."

"Really?"  Jim was interested.  He was worried about Blair and
those seizures.  If the dog could tell... but he was so damn big!

"I was thinking that there's a professor at Rainier that's
researching that kind of stuff, you know, animals that can
predict earthquakes, seizures, even heart attacks and strokes.  I
thought I might call her and ask if she wants him.  Can we take
him back to Cascade with us if she does?  She has seizures
herself and that's why she's studying this kind of thing.  She
doesn't have a dog like Church.  He could help out her research
and her if it works.  Please, Jim?"

His shaman was always thinking of others.  Jim was already
planning how to get the dog to Cascade before Blair stopped
speaking.  

"Then I can see him sometimes, too."  

"Not a problem, Chief."

"Thanks, Jim."

"You're welcome, Blair.  You might want to tell that Carol woman
that everything is taken care of.  She's a little worried."

"Oh, I just bet she is.  Worried about her job maybe.  Don't make
me talk to her, Jim!  I can't stand her!  She probably still
thinks I'm a serial killer or an alien.  The woman thinks that
the National Enquirer is educational."

"An alien?" Jim laughed.

"I have been deliberately avoiding her like the plague.  Please,
Jim!  Let's just leave before she sees me.  I'll go get Church
and you go find Simon and let's get the hell out of Dodge."

"You can't skip out on Lucy's wake, Sandburg!"

"Believe me, Lucy would understand!" Blair insisted then sighed,
"But you're right.  Gotta do this right, man."  He started toward
the trailer.

"Hey, Chief."

"Yeah?"

"Glad to have you back."

"I know." Blair smiled.  It was still a little sad but it reached
the eyes this time.  "I'm glad to be back.  Thanks for not giving
up on me."

"Never."

"Back at cha, Jim."

Blair would survive Lucy's loss.  It would hurt but Jim would be
there for him.  Jim watched him go and marvelled at the changes
that Blair Sandburg had brought to his life.  Jim Ellison, loner,
control freak, military man was gone.  In his place stood a guy
who still had faults but was, well, okay, so he was still a
control freak and so his military training was never far from his
mind, but he was not a loner anymore.  Not a loner, not alone and
never again would he be lonely.  His world was righting itself
again.  Blair was back.  And Jim had his heart, his mind, and his
senses back.  That knowledge made him feel good.  And he would
make sure that his guide, friend, shaman, brother knew that
feeling too.  For the rest of their lives.

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